


Give Me a Sign

by Marzos



Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - All Media Types
Genre: Deaf!Carmilla, F/F, carmell is sort of student/teacher, there's technically hollence but it's so slight I don't think it needs to be tagged
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-17
Updated: 2016-09-17
Packaged: 2018-08-15 12:38:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8056723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marzos/pseuds/Marzos
Summary: Carmilla's mother won't let her live away at college unless she promises to use an interpreter to help with classes. She's not too thrilled at first--until Carmilla realizes that her interpreter is really, really attractive. Laura would normally object, but she's dating her lit TA. And bonding over ethically questionable relationships is a good way to cement a friendship with your broody, deaf roommate. (Deaf!Carmilla AU where Laura and Carmilla realize that dating your TA or a faculty member is a bad idea, especially when they have each other)





	Give Me a Sign

Carmilla couldn’t hear the radio, but she enjoyed feeling the radio, something that drove her mother crazy. She would turn the little knob to the right until she could feel the music’s pulse coming from the speakers and lean back in the seat, letting herself fall asleep to the tingling buzz she felt that changed depending on the beat of the song. 

It never lasted long, because Mother would turn the noise down. Then she would reach over, forcing the seat to shoot back upright. Carmilla’s eyes shot open, staring out the window.

The car slowed to a stop, and Mother looked at Carmilla. 

_You should look more excited,_ she signed, _you’re starting college_. Carmilla could see her out of the corner of her eye. Carmilla shrugged. 

_Do I ever look excited?_ She responded. Mother closed her eyes, shaking her head before getting out and opening the door for Carmilla. 

Carmilla got out of the car, grabbing her suitcase. Mother shook her head. 

_Not yet_

_I thought I was moving in?_

_We need to stop in the Disabilities office first._

Carmilla wrinkled her nose in disgust.

_I thought we did that months ago._

_When you could still hear_ she replied. Carmilla tried not to roll her eyes. If by ‘hear’ she meant being able to barely register someone screaming into her ear then yes, she could hear. But she couldn’t think of what they hadn’t included on her original accommodation form that they would need to add _now._

_Fine_

She didn’t think much of it. Mother had her demands, and Carmilla wasn’t really consulted on them. It was less about what _she_ wanted and more about what Mother wanted for her, and she’d accepted that a long time ago. 

The office was beige and boring, no different than how it looked the last time they had stepped inside. A woman at a long desk pointing them to a smaller room, white walls and two green cushioned chairs in front of a plain wooden desk, and the man in charge sitting behind it in a sharp suit and tie. The only difference was the woman standing next to him. 

Carmilla looked to her mother. _Who is that?_

Mother either didn’t notice her, or didn’t care. She started speaking to them, and Carmilla had trouble reading her lips from the angle she was looking. Carmilla looked back at the girl instead.

She was young. Pretty. Wearing a white blouse, black tie, and slacks. She looked at Carmilla, adjusting her glasses before signing. 

_Hello Carmilla, it’s nice to meet you._

Carmilla regarded her suspiciously. _Great, but who are you?_

She looked confused for a moment before talking to Mother. Carmilla could read lips. She thought the woman was saying, “Does Carmilla not know who I am?” 

“You know I’m right here, right?” Carmilla said. Mother faced Carmilla. 

_I asked the school to bring someone in to help you in class. Miss Wolfe is your interpreter._

Carmilla’s eyes widened. She immediately started shaking her head. 

_No, no, no. I do not need an ASL interpreter._

_What could possibly be your problem?_ Mother asked. 

Carmilla looked at her again. She was watching the whole exchange rather awkwardly, twisting a blonde coil of hair in her finger. _For one thing, how qualified could she be? She looks twelve._

The man in charge of the Disabilities office tried to get Carmilla’s attention. He said something to Miss Wolfe, who nodded. 

_Mr. Crowley wants to assure you that he made sure of my qualifications before he hired me._

_I can read lips, I don’t need you to tell me what he said._

(She actually wasn’t quite sure of what he said; lipreading was not an exact science. It was why she preferred ASL when she could. But she was trying to make a point.) 

Her hands started to move, and then she stopped. She shook her head and began speaking. 

“I am twenty-four years old,” she explained, “I have a Bachelor’s degree in ASL interpretation. Your mother thought it might help you to have someone that could interpret during lectures.” 

Carmilla’s hands gripped the armrests of her seat. “This is fucking stupid--” 

She felt a hand grip her shoulder and pull her up. Mother looked at Miss Wolfe and Mr. Crowley, probably to make some hasty apologies, before pulling Carmilla back outside. 

_Carmilla Mircalla Karnstein,_ she signed, _you do not use language like that._

_I can’t even hear myself talk, what did I say?_

She signed it lazily, and Mother narrowed her eyes. _You will not be disrespectful to me, and you will certainly not be disrespectful to Mr. Crowley or Miss Wolfe. They are only trying to help you._

Carmilla’s nostrils flared. Mother was right; she was being rude, but dammit she had the right to be rude. 

_Help I didn’t ask for. I do not need her following me around._

It was bad enough starting college being the Deaf Kid; before she at least could correct people that no, she technically could still hear, but even that small pedantic comfort had been taken away from her. People were going to know; it was not something she could hide; but the last thing she needed was a walking testament to her otherness to _really_ remind people. 

Mother shook her head. 

_Carmilla, I was not thrilled with letting you go to college on your own in the first place. I was not thrilled when you insisted that you not be housed in your own room--_

(It was the principle of the thing; she didn’t need to be housed separately like it was impossible for a deaf person to successfully co-exist with other human beings. Yes, part of her knew it was ridiculous to pass up on the opportunity--especially considering her general misanthropy--but it made her ego happy and honestly, her ego was all she had sometimes to get through all the ableist bullshit.) 

\-- _but I let you, and all I ask for in return is that you succeed. I do not care if this is what you want. It is what you are going to do because I refuse to let your deafness be an excuse for you to get less than grades reflecting Lilita Morgan’s daughter. I graduated from Silas University Summa Cum Laude and I expect you to do just as well._

Yeah, wishful thinking. There was no way Carmilla was graduating with those grades. She told her as much-- _I’m not getting a 4.0 whether I have an interpreter or not, Mother._

_If you want to go to this school, you will do it with Miss Wolfe or not at all._

 

It was checkmate, and they both knew it. It wasn’t even that she didn’t love her mother--she really did, and Mother loved her even if she could be overbearing--but eighteen years of homeschooling had made Carmilla desperate to get out of that house. Carmilla balled her fists. 

“Fine,” she said. 

***

Her roommate was already in the room by the time Carmilla and her mother showed up. She slipped in quietly, set up her bookshelf, and threw her stuff on her bed. It looked like the other girl was still busy talking to her dad--actually it looked like the guy was smothering her in a bear hug--so Carmilla gave them some room.

 _You have everything?_ Mother asked. 

_Yes, I didn’t forget anything._

Mother wasn’t a very emotional person, but she reached forward to pull Carmilla into a brief hug before letting go. 

_You’ll make sure to keep in touch?_

_Of course,_ Carmilla answered. 

_And I am always available to skype if you need anything._

_Mother, I’ll be fine. You’ve prepared me pretty well for this._

Mother sighed. The other girl’s father was finally leaving the room. 

_You know I just want what is best for you, Carmilla. I knew you would say no to having an interpreter if I asked. I want you to do as well as I know you can do._

Carmilla looked down at the floor. _I know. I’m sorry. Happy?_

 _I’ll leave you to it, then._ She leaned forward to kiss Carmilla on the forehead before adding, “I love you, Carmilla. Have fun.” 

She walked away. Carmilla turned around and realized--her roommate was looking at her. She raised a hand, smiling, and Carmilla half heartedly returned the gesture before starting to unpack. 

Out of the corner of her eye she saw the girl start rummaging through her suitcase. Carmilla opened the dresser, filling a drawer with her clothes. When she finally turned away, she raised her eyebrow at her roommate scribbling in a note book. Her hair was messy, one strap of her tank top having fallen down her shoulder, and she adjusted it before holding the notebook toward Carmilla. 

‘Hi, I’m Laura Hollis. Nice to meet you, roomie! :)’ 

Carmilla nodded. Laura wrote something else. 

‘I saw you with your mom before and it looked like you were using sign language. Are you deaf?’ 

Of course. 

“Yes, but I can read lips pretty well Creampuff. No need for the writing.” 

Laura’s eyes widened. She reached over to a lamp, filling the room with more light. She started speaking, too fast for Carmilla to really understand her. She thought she could pick up ‘sorry’ and ‘first impression’ amid all of her babbling. 

“Actually, maybe you _should_ write it down,” Carmilla said. Laura stopped. She smiled sheepishly before writing in her notebook again. 

‘It was probably really rude for the first thing I ask you to be HEY YOU DEAF? Hahaha. Sorry.’

“It’s fine,” Carmilla answered. 

Laura paused and then, speaking very slowly and obviously over pronouncing her words, asked, “Is this better?” 

A well meaning gesture, obviously, but that hardly mattered to Carmilla. She had a low tolerance for anything that felt condescending whether the person meant it to or not. “Jesus, if you’re going to talk to me like I’m stupid, stick to the notebook,” Carmilla snapped. 

She went back to folding her clothes, ignoring Laura, who looked torn between wanting to get defensive and being ashamed. Carmilla closed the drawer before she felt a balled up piece of paper hit her in the back of the head. 

Carmilla frowned, bent down, and picked it up. She uncrumpled it. 

‘Hey, I really am sorry. As terrible as this sounds I’ve never really known anyone who’s deaf before. Is there anything you want me to know straight off the bat? I just want to be a good roommate and avoid putting my foot in my mouth in the future.’ 

Carmilla looked at Laura. She was smiling hopefully. It was hard to not at least appreciate her persistence. 

“You can start by not making a big deal out of it,” Carmilla answered, balling the paper and throwing it to Laura, “I keep to myself. Stay out of my way and we’ll both get through this with our sanity intact.” 

Laura bit her lip and nodded. 

“Good. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I am exhausted. And by the way--throwing things to get my attention? Not good etiquette either.” 

She climbed under the covers, pulling them over her head. Between an interpreter she didn’t even want following her around tomorrow, and what looked to be a rather annoying roommate, Carmilla’s college experience was not off to a great start. 

***

Miss Wolfe was already in the classroom when Carmilla showed up to class a few minutes early. She smiled, waving at Carmilla. 

_Hello Carmilla, how are you?_ She signed. 

Carmilla shrugged. The professor said something to Miss Wolfe, who frowned. She made a point of looking at Carmilla so she could read her lips when she responded, even signing as she spoke to make sure Carmilla understood everything she said. 

“You can speak to Carmilla directly, Dr. Akers. I only need to hear you to interpret for her.” 

“If I can sit in the front row, I’ll be fine,” Carmilla responded, looking at him. She lifted her stuff and sat down. Miss Wolfe followed her. As soon as Carmilla’s hands were free, she started signing. 

_You can leave now._

_Leave?_

_I did not want an interpreter. My mother forced me to agree to one. But she doesn’t know if I’m using you or not, so you’re free to go._

She wrinkled her nose slightly. _Carmilla, you’re free to request not to have an interpreter anymore if you stop in the Disabilities office, but I’d like to help you if I can._

_I don’t need help. I don’t need to constantly remind people to look at me when they’re talking and I am perfectly able to function without an assistant._

Miss Wolfe considered Carmilla’s words for a moment before answering, “Okay, then.” 

She sat down in the seat next to Carmilla. 

“What are you doing?” Carmilla asked. 

She looked at Carmilla and signed, _I’ll sit in on one class in case you change your mind._

Carmilla rolled her eyes. Other students were filing in, taking seats, and the professor greeted the class before starting his lecture. He promptly turned toward the board and started writing things down. 

She could not understand a damn thing that was being said.

Miss Wolfe was looking at her, probably to see if Carmilla needed help. Carmilla, feeling self conscious (and with her ego on the line), started scribbling in her notebook.

Carmilla saw her signing out of the corner of her eye. 

_Are you just writing down the Holy Hand Grenade monologue from Monty Python?_

She looked down at her notebook (...And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O LORD, bless this Thy hand grenade that with it Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits, in Thy mercy”) and mumbled, “shut up.” 

Her professor stopped and looked at Carmilla. In fact, Carmilla had the distinct feeling that there were a lot of eyes on her. 

“Sorry. Sorry. I was talking to, uh, her,” Carmilla looked at Miss Wolfe. She agreed, and Carmilla slouched in her seat. 

_You win._

_I win?_

_Do your job and whatever._

Miss Wolfe smiled. She stood up, walking so she could stand in front of Carmilla near the professor, and started signing. 

Carmilla hated admitting it, but she _was_ helpful. Very helpful. Carmilla grabbed her laptop, pulling it out and typing so she could watch her and take notes. 

The class ended. Miss Wolfe walked out with Carmilla.

“Stop looking at me like that,” Carmilla said. 

“Like what?” 

“All smug because I needed help. It’s kind of dickish.” 

She stopped smiling. Miss Wolfe adjusted her glasses, smoothing back her hair before looking at Carmilla and signing. 

_I’m sorry. You’re just the first person I’ve interpreted for and I would have hated for it to end after one class period._

_I am?_

_Yes. I didn’t graduate that long ago._

Carmilla softened slightly. Miss Wolfe had been helpful. And honestly, it was nice to have another human being around that Carmilla could interact with without struggling to understand every third word that they said. She hung her head, readjusted the backpack around her shoulders, and said to her: 

“Okay, if we’re doing this, I am not calling you Miss Wolfe. You don’t look any older than me, and you are my assistant, not my teacher.” 

She considered it for a moment before responding, _do you want to just use my first name then?_

“Sure.” 

_E-L-L_ she signed. 

“Ell,” Carmilla said aloud. 

Ell smiled encouragingly. _Yes, that’s it. I hope we become friends by the end of this?_

She was so damn nice. Why couldn’t she be a jerk? Or at the very least unattractive…

_Don’t push your luck, but being able to tolerate would definitely make it easier for me. And Ell?_

_Yes?_

Carmilla smirked. _I am honored to be your first._

The tips of Ell’s ears turned pink and Carmilla thought, maybe this could be kind of fun after all. 

***

Laura was already back when Carmilla returned from classes. As soon as she opened the door she looked up from where she was sitting, with her laptop resting on her legs. Laura waved and then: 

_Hey Carmilla, good first day of classes?_

Carmilla raised an eyebrow. _So, you know ASL, or did you just look that up online in some attempt to bond with me or whatever?_

Laura’s smile faltered, obviously having not understood anything. She gestured vaguely with her hands before Carmilla said aloud, “that’s what I figured,” and sat down, pulling out a book to read. Laura was waving out of the corner of her eye, and Carmilla rolled her eyes before looking in her direction. Laura was holding up the notebook again. 

‘Could you at least give me your phone # so that we can text?’ 

“Why are you so obsessed with the notion I want to be friends?” 

Laura gritted her teeth, looked like she made some sort of exasperated noise, and scribbled into her notebook. 

‘Look, I understand I’ve been making some faux pas and I’m sorry. But we live together whether you like it or not and communication is important!’ 

Carmilla wasn’t sure if she wanted to give the Annoying Roommate a license to be able to contact her whenever, wherever, but on the other hand, she had a point. Besides, Laura didn’t seem like a fan of Carmilla, so how much texting was she going to do anyway?

“Hand me your phone,” Carmilla said. 

Laura grabbed it from her bedside table, tossing it across the room. Carmilla caught it and programmed her number into Laura’s contacts, and programmed Laura’s number in hers. She tossed the phone back. 

“I programmed your phone to say ‘roommate, only in absolute emergencies.’ Please follow it.” 

Laura frowned. She flopped on her back. Carmilla went back to her book. 

And then her phone vibrated. She opened it up. 

‘I’m sorry if I offended you or something. I just thought trying to learn a little ASL would be helpful.’ 

She’d heard that before. Carmilla would meet people, make friends, and all of them at some point or another would decide to learn ASL. It was all fine until they realized American Sign Language was, well, a _language._ With grammar rules and everything. When they realized it was as difficult to learn as Spanish or German the idea was dropped other than the most basic phrases, if they even bothered to retain that. 

So excuse Carmilla for not being thrilled that someone else was inevitably going to decide that talking to Carmilla in the way most comfortable for _her_ would be too much of an inconvenience. 

She wasn’t a complete bitch though, so Carmilla just responded with ‘it’s fine.’ 

Laura’s mouth quirked a little to the side when she got the message. She mouthed the words as she read them--Carmilla tended to notice little things like that. Laura pouted slightly, trying to decipher whether or not the short response _actually_ meant ‘fine.’ She either decided it didn’t or finally gave up on pushing the issue, because she didn’t say anything else. Laura got up and walked into the bathroom. 

Carmilla closed her eyes and tried to take a nap. She almost felt bad about Laura, considering that this arrangement was obviously not working out very well for her. She probably thought her roommate was an automatic best friend to go through college with. To Carmilla, the best thing about a roommate was that she could let her know if the fire alarm went off.

She didn’t know how long she kept her eyes closed until she felt her bed shake. She sat up, clutching her chest, and looking to her left. There was Laura. With her hands on her hips. 

“Did you just _kick my bed?”_

Laura started speaking. The sun had started to set, the shadows casting across Laura’s face in a way that made it hard for Carmilla to know exactly what she was saying. Before she could point that out, Laura lifted her hand and showed Carmilla, rather forcefully, a clump of dark, wet hair. Carmilla wrinkled her nose. 

“Ew?” 

Laura shook her head, forcefully pointing to the clump. Carmilla raised an eyebrow. 

“So I’m guessing that’s mine?” 

Laura balled her fists, turning around and swiping her phone off the dresser, throwing the hair out on the way. Carmilla grabbed her phone and opened her text messages. 

‘There was so much hair in the shower drain that I could have made another Carmilla with it!’ 

Carmilla looked up from the phone. “Okay?” 

Another text. 

‘I was trying to take a SHOWER. It’s gross!’ 

“My naked body in the shower doesn’t bother you, but my hair makes you flip your shit?” 

Laura’s face turned red. The next few messages came in rapid succession. 

‘Listen, BROODY MCBROODFACE’ 

‘I have been trying to be nice for the past two days but like’ 

‘I do not care if you are deaf or not, CLEAN YOUR OWN HAIR OUT OF THE DRAIN. I’m pretty sure there’s more still in there!’

There was a brief pause before they started up again. 

 

‘Being deaf is not an excuse for being a jerk’ 

‘Plus--plus I’m not going to treat you any differently. So THERE.’ 

Laura nodded curtly at her phone, putting it down. Carmilla looked at her. 

“...You done?” 

She nodded ‘yes.’ 

“And to be clear, you are saying you are saying you will treat me like an asshole roommate, regardless of if I’m deaf or not?” 

Laura’s brow furrowed a little and she texted Carmilla again. 

‘You’re talking to me right now, it’s not like you’re incapable of interacting with people. So yes. I will treat you like a jerkface roommate regardless.’ 

Carmilla put her phone down. She was used to being treated as fragile. It was honestly kind of refreshing. 

She trudged into the bathroom and started cleaning out the drain. 

***

Everyone had their own way of signing. Just like two people could say the same words but have their own manner of saying them, no two people signed in quite the same way. Mother, for instance, was sharp and pronounced, but not very expressive. She never quite got that part of signing down, which was not very surprising given her ability at expressing emotions in general. 

Ell’s signing was different. Her movements were fluid, soft. She imagined Ell’s voice must have been the same way; soothing and calm. Carmilla liked watching her sign. After the first few days of classes she’d given up entirely on lip reading when they were close to each other.

 _How has the year been for you so far?_ Ell asked. 

_So far it’s been okay. Kind of boring. I mean, it’s school._

_Have you made any friends?_

_I don’t really do friends in general. My roommate has been decent enough._ They talked almost entirely through text message now. Laura initiated every conversation; she seemed to not have given up on her idea that they should be friends. And she was still trying to learn some signing. But, overall, she was not as bad as Carmilla expected. 

_But you’re so nice,_ Ell protested. 

_Me? Nice?_

_Well, when you want to be. I like talking to you._

Carmilla smirked. She was about to respond when she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. She picked it up, reading the text message. 

_What is it?_

She put her phone back in her pocket. _Professor is sick. My next class is cancelled._

_Going back to your room then?_

_I guess I am._ Carmilla put her phone back in her pocket. _I have two hours to kill._

She paused, looking at Ell. Ell tilted her head slightly, stopping with her, waiting for what Carmilla was going to sign next. 

_Hey, Ell?_

_Yes?_

Carmilla swallowed, rubbing the back of her next for a moment, and then responding, _we could both get lunch instead?_

Ell frowned slightly. _You’re asking me out to lunch?_

_We have to wait two hours, I don’t feel like heading back to my room, it’s a nice day to eat outside, and you’re going to need to go to class with me anyway--_

Ell signed _stop._ Carmilla did. God, she had just rambled in ASL. Since when did Carmilla ever ramble?

At least Ell was smiling. 

_Lunch sounds fantastic, I am starving._

Carmilla smiled back at her. _Okay, then. There’s a cafe in the quad with some tables._

And soon enough Ell agreed and they were eating together. 

Carmilla noticed things about people. She especially noticed things about Ell. How she dumped at least an entire cup of milk into her coffee. How when she was thinking of something to say she gently bit the knuckle of her thumb. The brief moment after Carmilla said something she liked where her eyes would light up before she started to laugh. 

She was reaching forward to pluck a french fry from Ell’s plate when she saw Ell look up, and Carmilla followed her gaze. 

Laura. Of course. 

“Hey Carmilla,” Laura said, looking at her. 

“Um, Laura. What are you doing here?” 

Ell jumped back into professional mode immediately, signing for Carmilla as Laura spoke.

“I have an hour in between my first and second class, so I hang out here,” Laura started to watch Ell instead of looking at Carmilla. 

“Well, great to see you, but I’m kind of _in the middle of something.”_

Carmilla hoped she was getting the right tone across, and she must have, because Laura bit her lip. 

“I’m sorry,” Laura said as Ell translated, “I didn’t mean to interrupt you when you’re in the middle of, like, a date--” 

Ell stopped. She started to speak to Laura and then stopped, looking at Carmilla for a moment before beginning again, signing so Carmilla could follow along while Ell spoke to Laura. 

“No no _no,_ I am not...I mean this isn’t...my name is Miss Wolfe. I’m an interpreter. The school hired me to help Carmilla during classes.” 

Carmilla didn’t find Ell’s denial particularly pleasant...not that she was trying to seduce her assistant. That would be stupid. Even if she was pretty--

_Carmilla? Carmilla?_

She realized Ell was signing at her. _What?_

_Laura just told me she’s your roommate? She seems so nice!_

_Right. Yeah, this is the roommate._

Laura watched them go back and forth, waiting politely. Ell looked at Laura. They conversed for a few moments before Ell stood up. 

“Ell, where are you going?” Carmilla asked. 

Ell’s eyes flitted to Laura before she signed, _I’m going to head to your next class. Why don’t you and your roommate talk for a few minutes?_

_But I was having fun._

Ell bit her lip. _I would really rather not have people thinking we’re,_ Ell paused for a moment before finishing, _on a date. I’ll see you, okay?_

She walked away and Carmilla groaned, laying her head on the table. The vibrations of knocking made her pick her head up and there was Laura, sitting right across from her. 

“Sorry I ruined your date,” Laura said. 

“It wasn’t a date,” Carmilla answered, “she made it _really clear_ it wasn’t a date.” 

Laura smirked. “But you wanted it to be a date.” 

“Says who?” 

Laura said something Carmilla couldn’t quite make out. 

“Say that again?” 

Laura repeated it. She thought she could catch ‘lover’ and that made her eyebrows shoot up. 

“You’re going to need to text, it’ll be a lot easier for both of us.” 

Laura frowned. She reached into her pocket, pulling out her phone.

‘Sorry,’ she texted, ‘I didn’t mean to be so hard to understand.’ 

Carmilla almost felt sorry for Laura, blaming herself for Carmilla’s lack of understanding. She couldn’t decide if Laura’s concern wandered into the territory of pity for her to reject, or consideration for her to tolerate. Carmilla gave Laura the benefit of the doubt for the time being. 

“Lipreading is really hard in the best conditions,” Carmilla responded, “it’s no one’s fault, so stop worrying about it. What were you trying to say before?” 

Laura seemed to relax, and she sent: 

‘I said you were watching Miss Wolfe walk off like she was your lover going off to war.’ 

“Weirdly poetic of you, Cupcake.” 

‘Come on, I won’t tell her you have a crush. If it helps, I have a crush on my lit TA Danny, and you can totally make fun of me for that.’ 

“No offense, but I am not that into your aggressively heterosexual crush on some lit TA.” 

‘DO NOT EVEN JOKE about me being straight Danny is a girl and a very attractive one at that.’ 

Carmilla held back a snort of laughter. 

“My apologies. I will be sure to refer to you as the Tiny Gay Roommate from now on.” 

Laura frowned. ‘Only if I can refer to you as the Broody Gay Roommate who is Hot For Her Teacher.’ 

“She is _not_ a teacher! Just because she’s technically faculty and students call her ‘Miss Wolfe--” 

‘Hot for Secretary then.’ 

“...Wow, you type fast.” 

Laura smirked. She looked down at her phone and started typing again. 

‘Hey, can I ask you a question?’ 

“Shoot.” 

‘There’s a party coming up soon on our floor. In the spirit of not losing momentum after having our first friendly conversation, would you like to come? We could hang out. I could introduce you to my friends.’

“I don’t know. I’m not much for...people.” 

‘At least think about it?’ 

“...I’ll think about it.” 

‘Awesome! I have to leave if I don’t want to be late, but I can text you the details and everything.’ Laura stood up. She signed, _goodbye, Carmilla!_ Before practically bouncing away, a little burst of rainbows and smiles. 

That was the first time Carmilla had ever bothered to talk to Laura outside of their room. And she was suddenly going to a party with her. 

There was no point in sitting at a table by herself; she’d only suggested it as an excuse to talk to Ell for more than the few moments before class and walking with her toward the next one. And it had been a success. Sort of, before her roommate had shown off her _impeccable_ timing. Carmilla grabbed her stuff, walking to her next class, dropping her books on the table and looking at Ell, who looked like she was chatting to her professor. Ell stopped, seeing Carmilla and smiling. She sat in the desk next to her, turning her chair. 

_Hey, Carmilla, how was your chat with Laura?_

_I don’t know, okay? We talked._

Ell’s lips were pressed into a thin line, and she was nodding patiently. She was waiting for more, Carmilla realized. She must have looked like she had more to say. 

_Laura invited me to hang out with her at a party in our dorm,_ Carmilla signed. Ell beamed. 

_That’s great! She seemed so nice, you should go. Make friends._

Carmilla shrugged noncommittally. Ell frowned. 

_What’s wrong? Is she really that bad?_

_Her? No,_ Carmilla shook her head, _Laura is a little too eager for my tastes, but it’s not really her. I find talking to people in groups,_ Carmilla tried to find the right word. Uncomfortable wasn’t quite it. Frustrating wasn’t right either. She finally settled on, _exhausting. It’s hard to follow along. Especially at a party, it’s probably going to be dark anyway. What’s the point in showing up if I won’t know what anyone is talking about?_

Ell bit her lip with the most sympathetic, heartfelt look, blue eyes melting to gentle concern, and Carmilla got an idea. 

_Want to come with?_

Ell’s eyes widened. _Come with you?_

_Yes._

_You’re asking me to come with you to a party._

_Yeah. It’ll be nice to have someone there that signs._

Ell’s teeth dug into her lip a little harder. She rubbed the back of her head, sending wisps of blonde hair falling to tickle the pale, freckled skin of her neck. When she started signing again she was slow and hesitant. 

_I am not sure if...I think I would be overstepping my boundaries. I’m working as a member of the faculty and it would probably be inappropriate for me to be going to student parties._

Carmilla frowned slightly. _Hey,_ she signed, leaning in closer, _you’re supposed to be my assistant. You’re only there so I can communicate with people. That’s your job, right? Besides, I won’t be able to drink or do drugs with you around. My mother would be thrilled if she knew you came with me._

Ell still looked unsure, so Carmilla added, _I would really love it if you were there, Ell._

Finally, after seemingly agonizing over it, Ell replied, _I guess it would be okay as long as I’m supposed to be there just as an interpreter._

_Give me your phone?_

Ell looked confused and Carmilla held out her hand, saying aloud, “So I can text you with details, when I get them.” 

She nodded, grabbing her phone and placing it flat in the palm of Carmilla’s hand, and she didn’t care why Ell did it--she was going to focus on the fact that she just scored her number. 

***

Carmilla texted Ell the next night with directions to her dorm building and spent the remaining hour before the party officially started trying to figure out what to wear. Mother had always stressed the importance of social events. She’d taught Carmilla how to dress properly, the right makeup to wear, how much skin was appropriate to show. 

Luckily, Mother wasn’t here, so Carmilla could dress however the fuck she wanted. There was a pair of leather pants and a corset she’d snuck in, with her other clothes she’d been planning to use just because she knew Mother would have a heart attack if she knew. 

Carmilla was admiring herself in the mirror, trying to decide if she needed to wear a pair of earrings, when Laura walked out of the bathroom still brushing her teeth. Carmilla turned toward her. 

“Hey, Cupcake, ready to party?” 

Laura didn’t make any movement to respond. Her toothbrush was jammed in the corner of her mouth, bulging her cheek, eyes wide. Carmilla frowned. 

“What? Don’t like it?” 

Laura removed the toothbrush from her mouth, shaking her head quickly, face flushing. Carmilla smirked. 

“Oh, I get it. You _definitely_ like what you see.” 

Laura narrowed her eyes. She turned and walked toward the bathroom, placing the toothbrush back in its holder. 

“You look okay, if a little nerdy,” Carmilla called after her, noting Laura’s crisp button down shirt tucked into high waisted jeans. Laura walked back out, opening the door. She swept an arm out, looking at Carmilla. 

“Right. Party time.” 

Carmilla looked at her phone. No messages from Ell saying she had shown up. Whatever--Ell could find her. She walked out the door, hit with the smell of cheap alcohol and the heavy, rhythmic pulse of music that was so strong Carmilla had a feeling _no one_ at this party would be able to hear by the end of the night anyway. Laura was plugging her ears, gritting her teeth. She turned to Carmilla and said something, and Carmilla could not parse a single word from the movement of Laura’s lips because the lights were so dim--in fact, they were off, save for these weird floating puff balls that cast an eerie glow around the building. 

“Did aliens fucking _invade_ the place?” Carmilla shouted, swatting at a puffball that moved past her. Laura was gesturing wildly, and Carmilla elected to just ignore her. This party was already off to a pretty...weird start. 

Laura started waving, and it looked like she was waving to someone behind Carmilla, and she turned around just in time to avoid a collision. The woman had thick, curly red hair that was sticking up in odd places, her cheeks red, wringing her hands. It was obvious that she had been running. She looked at Laura, gesturing wildly, and Laura only shrugged sympathetically before she ran off again. 

Carmilla had no idea what was going on, no idea who that woman was other than the fact that Laura knew her--although she vaguely thought she might be the floor don, but she hardly paid attention. 

Laura visibly relaxed, and the pulsing noticeably receded, which Carmilla guessed meant the music was lowered. “Laura,” Carmilla said, “what is going on, exactly?” 

Laura reached into her pocket and Carmilla pulled out her own phone. 

‘That was Perry, our floor don. She’s my friend and she’s freaking out cause like, the music was WAY too loud and no one was supposed to bring alcohol, she made a whole big deal about the party being under-21 friendly.’ 

Carmilla snorted. “It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that wouldn’t work.” 

‘And the little glowing puffballs are apparently from the Alchemy Club, and Perry is also freaking out about THAT because she has no idea what these are and what if they explode or something’ 

Laura considered what she just texted and added: 

‘Actually, wait, what if they DO explode or something? I’m starting to question if this party was a good idea :/’ 

Carmilla was too, and she was prepared to just go back to her room and read a book, when a guy walked up to Laura. He had a beer in hand, and it swished a little onto his shirt when he turned to look at Carmilla, speech quick and excited. Carmilla stared at him dryly before Laura, presumably, mentioned the fact that Carmilla was deaf. He smiled sheepishly. 

“Laura, what is the lackwit saying?” 

Laura grabbed her phone again. 

‘He was telling me how some ‘blonde hottie’ walked in and was asking for you. Also, he wants to stress that she was REALLY hot and REALLY blonde.’ 

“Ell!” 

Carmilla ran down the stairs. The entire building was as chaotic as their floor. Carmilla knew Perry was apparently concerned, but she _did_ accidentally throw a pretty successful bash. 

When Carmilla saw Ell, she had to take a moment to catch her breath. 

Ell was sitting on a couch in the common room, looking around her uncomfortably with a glass of water in hand. Her bright red lipstick had left a smudge on the glass and Ell was dressed for a party--it was a lot different from her usual professional attire. She was wearing a _skirt._ Carmilla had never seen her wearing a skirt. And long earrings that were shimmering around the Alchemy Club’s puff balls that Ell was leaning back from. 

Carmilla walked forward until she was standing in front of her. 

“Hey,” Carmilla said softly. 

Ell looked startled, too distracted by her surroundings, but as soon as she saw Carmilla her eyes widened. She was slightly calmer about it than Laura was, but she crossed her legs, mouth opening slightly. 

_Hello Carmilla,_ Ell signed, swallowing, _you look nice._

 _Same to you,_ Carmilla signed back, and Ell visibly relaxed. 

_Thank you,_ Ell stood up, _I didn’t want to be too...obvious, you know, for your sake, so I wanted to try and blend in._

 _If anything you’re too attractive to be here,_ Carmilla responded and Ell blushed. 

_You’re here, so I won’t look too out of place,_ she signed back smoothly, and Carmilla grinned. 

There was a gentle tap on her upper arm and Carmilla turned to Laura. She mouthed ‘hi’ and Carmilla smiled back. 

_Ell, you met my roommate Laura._

“It’s nice to see you Laura,” Ell said, signing what she said for Carmilla’s benefit. She stood up and walked closer to her to make it easier to see. 

“Thanks!” Laura answered as Ell looked at Carmilla, going straight into professional mode, “this is my first college party so I’m like, _uber_ excited. Isn’t this yours, Carmilla?” 

“Yeah, yeah, it is,” Carmilla answered, “there better be alcohol.” 

Ell looked at her. _Carmilla, I thought I was here to stop you from drinking._

“Drinking _too much,_ Ell. Come on.” 

“You guys want to talk to my friends? They’re in the kitchen.” 

“Sure.” 

There were people running back and forth, all over the place, already drunk and passed out and draped over various pieces of furniture, some that made more sense than others. Carmilla was sure she saw a frat guy sleeping while sitting up on a table, a lampshade over his head and the actual base of the lamp on the ground next to him. She guessed he was already passed out when that happened. 

Ell was keeping close to Carmilla, still seemingly uncomfortable. Carmilla let her hand brush Ell’s as they walked--she didn’t grab her hand, that would be _way_ too forward and besides, Carmilla having a bit of a crush on Ell didn’t mean Ell was automatically into _her._

But Ell, ever the professional, forced a smile and immediately worked, interpreting for Carmilla, brow furrowing slightly as she tried to hear their words over the rest of the party. 

“Guys,” Laura said, “this is Carmilla. She’s my roommate! Um, the dark broody looking one, to be clear.” She turned and looked at Ell. “Carmilla, LaFontaine, Perry--” 

“Laura, you can talk to Carmilla directly. As long as I hear you it’s fine,” Ell answered, expression firm but not unkind. Carmilla could have corrected Laura herself, but it was tiresome at best, so she decided to be fine with Ell doing it for her. Laura smiled sheepishly. 

“Carmilla,” Laura made eye contact with her, “this is Perry, LaFontaine--they, them pronouns, just a heads up--and my lit TA Danny.” 

“Ah, _Danny,”_ Carmilla smirked, “Laura has told me how much she enjoys her lit class.” 

Laura turned red. Ell looked at Carmilla disapprovingly when she signed Laura’s defensive, “English has always been my favorite subject!” 

“Welcome, freshman,” LaFontaine said; they turned, grabbing a red solo cup off of the kitchen table and offering it, “you want to try some warm LaForade?” 

Ell had to pause with confusion and finally fingerspell out ‘LaForade’. Carmilla raised an eyebrow. 

“I’ll bite, Dr. Frankenstein.” 

“My own personal concoction. A mixture between red bull, gatorade, and liquor, and _my own secret ingredient,_ patent pending of course. Guaranteed to get you both drunk and awake to experience the drunkenness for at least thirty-six straight hours. I mean, it should probably be approved by the FDA first, but you’re underage anyway so…” They shook the cup slightly back and forth. 

“LaFontaine,” Perry protested, “you cannot give a minor that! Human beings should not be drinking it, period! It is the color of battery acid and probably just as corrosive to the insides.” 

“I’m drinking it, and I’m fine,” LaFontaine answered. They took a swig. They visibly shivered, and Carmilla swore their hair, which had already been gelled so it was stylistically rumpled and spiky, stood up a little bit straighter. Then they grinned. “And _whooo,_ what a rush! Your mouth is _delightfully_ numb for a few seconds afterward. It’s great.” 

_Carmilla are you SURE you’re comfortable being here because I totally understand if you want to leave._

_Ell I think you’re projecting a little._

_Your mother would kill me if she found out!_

_You’re not my governess. Your job is literally just to make sure I know what other people say._

There was another light tap on Carmilla’s shoulder and she turned. Danny was looking at both of them. Ell looked at little guilty at not paying attention to her and signed. 

“Sorry, it must be hard to hear me over the music. Who’s your friend?” 

For a second Carmilla felt a sting of jealousy, irrational of course--Danny was tall, tanned in an athletic sort of way, with muscles that were lean and defined under her flannel and cut off shorts, and she wanted to be introduced to Ell, her da...person she invited--until Carmilla realized that Danny had an arm slung comfortably across Laura’s shoulders, who looked like she had just won the lottery. 

“I’m deaf,” Carmilla answered, “this is Ell, she’s my interpreter. She just helps me follow along while you’re talking.” 

Carmilla saw it. The flash of uncomfortableness before social courtesy dictated that they all try to pretend that the information meant about as much to them as finding out Carmilla wasn’t a natural brunette. 

“Yes, I’m Miss Wolfe,” Carmilla noticed how Ell signed ‘Miss Wolfe’, obviously, purposefully not calling herself Ell. It made Carmilla frown a little. “You can pretend I’m not here, honestly. I’m basically just a translator.” 

“Welcome to the party, Google Translate!” LaFontaine said, raising their glass and laughing at their own joke.

“I think you already had too much,” Perry said, frowning a little and taking LaFontaine’s cup. 

“I’ve had like, two sips Perr!” 

“I _know,_ and that is too much.” Everyone was laughing. Carmilla leaned against a kitchen counter, keeping Ell in her line of sight as they all talked. Ell tried her best, and Carmilla could _mostly_ follow along, but even she could only keep up with so much, especially when more than one person was talking at the same time. 

That was the nature of the beast. Carmilla had learned to live in that silence; even enjoy it, sometimes, since she was never particularly talkative to begin with. But after about the fifth time everyone else laughed and Ell had to rush to explain the joke so Carmilla could understand, she couldn’t deny that sometimes it could be kind of frustrating. Even kind of lonely. 

Which was why she was never thrilled about parties. 

Laura looked at Carmilla. “You haven’t been talking much.” 

“Eh, I don’t talk much in general.” 

Ell was wrinkling her nose at LaFontaine, who had somehow procured more LaForade. They were holding it out to Ell, who rejected the offer as politely as she could. 

“Hey,” Carmilla touched Ell on the arm. 

_Yes?_

_You clearly don’t want me to drink._

_No._

_And if I can’t get wasted, this party is pretty boring. I’m going back to my room._

Ell frowned. _You’re going to just sit in your room by yourself the rest of the night? That hardly seems fair._

Carmilla was about to respond with some variation of ‘it’s no problem’, but she paused. She might be pressing her luck, but…

_You want to go up there and talk?_

Ell’s eyebrows shot up. She grabbed Carmilla’s wrist, pulling her away from the group. 

_To make this clear, you are inviting me up to your room?_

_Yes._

_Alone._

_Ell, I just want to talk._ And Carmilla sold it. She tried for her best I’m-definitely-not-crushing-majorly-on-you face and avoided looking at Ell’s lips for too long. _It’s hard to keep up with all of them anyway. Plus, you don’t really look like you want to be here._

Ell looked conflicted for a moment. She bit her lip. Ell looked around the party, at the group of people, at Carmilla. 

_I guess it wouldn’t hurt._

Carmilla grinned. “I’ll meet you up there,” she said aloud, walking back to Laura. “Hey, Laura, I’m going to head out.” 

Laura said something, but she obviously either didn’t really register with Carmilla said or didn’t care; she was too absorbed in whatever Danny was saying, a story that involved lots of laughter in between words and sloshing around her drink.

Carmilla gave a two fingered salute and was off. 

***

“Ell, you in here?” 

Carmilla opened the door a crack. Then entirely. Ell was standing in the middle of the room, hands clasped behind her back.

_Hey, Carmilla._

“Hey, Ell,” Carmilla had a bottle in hand; she laid it carefully on her dresser. 

Ell looked around. _I assume the bed with the t-shirt covered pillow and leopard blanket is yours?_

_Yeah, and the one covered in cookie crumbs is my roommate’s._

Ell nodded. _Are you sure you don’t want to go back to the party?_

Carmilla rolled her eyes. _The more time I spent with those lackwits the less interested I was. Thought I’d bring the party here._

She poured the drink into her glass, offering it to Ell. When she responded, Carmilla could read her lips. 

“Carmilla, no.” 

She firmly put the glass back down on the dresser and turned to face her. 

_Carmilla, this is wrong._

_What?_

_I am working as a member of the faculty. I am planning on getting a certification to teach. I should not be going to parties with students. And I certainly should not be in your room alone. This is so wrong._

Carmilla didn’t respond at first. She only frowned and looked at Ell, waiting for her to move. 

Ell didn’t. 

And the longer she didn’t leave, while protesting that she should be leaving, the more Carmilla was sure Ell already knew she was going to end up staying. 

On the other hand, Ell also looked _really_ uncomfortable. 

_Ell,_ Carmilla signed, _I asked you to come as my friend. I’m sorry. I wanted to talk away from all the disgusting beer and frat boys but if you’d rather leave, you can do that._

She looked like she relaxed visibly. _I feel bad,_ Ell admitted, _I’ve just been awkward and tense the whole night._

Carmilla smiled. _Well, you can relax a little in here._

Ell sucked in a breath, looking at Carmilla, who sat down gently on her bed. 

_No alcohol though._

_What alcohol?_

Ell sat next to her. 

_Okay then. I guess...a few minutes won’t hurt to make your first college party less of a disappointment._

_With you here? Could never be a disappointment._

Ell averted her gaze, tucking a blonde strand behind her ear. Carmilla waited patiently. 

_Thank you,_ Ell responded. 

Carmilla shrugged modestly, crossing one leg over the other.

 _So,_ Carmilla struggled to think of something to say, _why did you decide to do this?_

_Working with deaf and hard of hearing students?_

_Yes._

_My mother was deaf._

Carmilla nodded. Ell continued, _she had a genetic condition. She was totally deaf by the time I was born. And she taught me how to sign. I grew up thinking it was normal until I started school._

Carmilla tilted her head slightly. _What condition?_

_Pendred’s?_

Carmilla nodded. She reached a finger to her neck, slipping it underneath her choker and pulling it down. Ell put a hand to her mouth. 

“Yeah, I have it too,” Carmilla said aloud, “I had to get a goiter removed when I was seventeen.”

_Is that why you always wear the choker?_

“Surgery scars are not particularly attractive.” 

Ell bit her lip. Then she was reaching a hand out, two fingers touching Carmilla’s skin. It made her breath hitch as Ell gently ran them along the path of the slightly raised, red crescent along Carmilla’s neck. Ell was close, and Carmilla could catch that she said: 

“My mother had a scar there too…” 

And then, seemingly more to herself, but Carmilla was locked in on her mouth so she could still understand: 

“But nothing could make you look bad--” 

Kissing Ell was everything Carmilla had wanted that semester. She wanted to accomplish something; she wanted to kiss hot girls; she wanted to do something she’d never done before. She wanted to do something that would piss off her mother just because she wasn’t home schooled anymore and she could. 

She wanted to do dumb things, amazing things, fucking terrible things. Carmilla didn’t know it yet. But Ell was going to be all of those things and even lead to more of them. 

Ell froze against Carmilla’s mouth for a moment, and Carmilla didn’t push, didn’t do anything. It was Ell’s decision. Carmilla was basically doing the Hail Mary Pass of seduction. But then Ell was kissing back fervently, one arm tangling into Carmilla’s hair purposefully as if Ell had been daydreaming about it, and Carmilla smirked into the kiss when she realized Ell probably _did._

She pulled away, chest heaving, and Ell signed, _this is so wrong._

“Yes, it is,” Carmilla said, grinning, and Ell didn’t protest again when Carmilla pulled her in for another kiss, biting at Ell’s bottom lip. Actions spoke much, _much_ louder than words, and Ell certainly didn’t seem nearly as opposed as she had just expressed if the way she pulled Carmilla closer was any indication--

And then Ell threw Carmilla off her, and a hand went over her mouth, and Carmilla was looking up, and _Laura_ was standing in the doorway. 

Carmilla looked at Ell. Looked at Laura.

“...Sup, Cupcake?” 

Ell slipped and fell on the floor in her haste to get up. 

_I’m sorry,_ Ell signed to Carmilla, _I need to go, I’m sorry._ She stopped suddenly to avoid crashing into Laura, and she presumably said the same thing to her before practically shoving Laura out of the way. 

Carmilla sat up, looking at Laura. 

“What?” 

Laura’s mouth fell open. She jammed her hand into her pocket and pulled out her phone. Carmilla rolled her eyes, trying to play off the entire thing. 

‘What was THAT?’ 

“What?” 

‘Your tongue shoved down Miss Wolfe’s mouth! Don’t think I didn’t see that!’ 

“Jesus, it’s a party. Hookups happen.” 

‘Did you seriously just seduce a faculty member then sleep with her in our dorm room?’ 

Carmilla wrinkled her nose. “ _No,_ I did not sleep with her. And Christ, you make it sound like she’s a _teacher.”_

‘But she works for the school.’ 

“In a loose sense of the word, yes.” 

‘Loose as in, she was interviewed by the school, hired by them, and is paid by them.’ 

Carmilla’s hand curled into a fist. “What about you and that gargantuan TA that was practically glued to your hip downstairs? You guys working out well?” 

Laura turned a delightful shade of red. ‘This is not about Danny and I and OH MY GOD you need to leave she’s coming up here.’ 

Carmilla raised an eyebrow. “You invited her up to our room?” 

‘Well, she’s coming up here, but it’s not a date or a hookup or anything. I was talking about Emily Dickinson with her and Danny said she’d love to see the book I have with her poems.’ 

“Let me get this straight,” Carmilla said, “you were talking to her, and _she_ offered to come up to your room to read _poetry_ with you?” 

Laura nodded. Carmilla whistled. 

“Cupcake, you are gonna get _laid._ ” 

“I am?” Laura said, Carmilla reading her lips. Her grin became wider. 

“Jesus, she invited _herself._ To read fucking _poetry_ with you. That is the gayest shit I have ever heard. It is pretty obvious.” 

Laura’s hands flew up to her mouth, and she started moving back and forth, running rather haphazardly around the room. Carmilla wasn’t sure what Laura was trying to do--or if she was thinking about anything in particular. Finally, she fell on her bed. 

“You’re welcome,” Carmilla answered dryly, “glad I could help you decipher that very _subtle_ sign.” 

Laura pointed rather forcefully to Carmilla, then to the door. Carmilla laid down. 

“I think I’ll stay here,” Carmilla answered, turning her head toward her roommate, “I’m pretty tired and Ell left, so.” 

Laura’s fingers fumbled with the buttons on her phone. 

‘No, no, NO, I am getting laid, you saud so! U need to get OUT!’ 

Carmilla read the message, rolling her eyes. “And why should I? I’m not exactly a big fan of you right now. That hookup was going places before you barged in.” 

Laura looked genuinely frightened. She looked to the door and kept typing. 

‘Carmilla if you find somewhere else to sleep I SWEAR I won’t tell anyone about you and Ell.’ 

“And why should I believe you?” 

‘I swear on the River Styx!’ 

“Excuse me if I don’t trust what is presumably a Percy Jackson reference because you are a fucking nerd.” 

Laura paused, and Carmilla saw her ask, “You like Percy Jackson?” 

“Do you want to geek out with me or do you want to try and convince me?” 

Laura softened slightly. ‘Look, believe it or not I want to be friends. That’s why I asked you to come to this party with me. I won’t tell as long as, like...Ell is nice to you. And you’re sure she’s not taking advantage of you or anything?’ 

If anything, Carmilla was the seductress in _that_ relationship. Carmilla told Laura as much. 

‘Ew, did NOT need that image.’ 

“Look, are you going to keep this a secret or not?” 

‘Yes, yes, I swear, NOW GO, I’m pretty sure Danny is coming!’ 

Carmilla stood up, pocketing her phone. “Put a sock on the doorknob or something if you need all night, sweetheart.” 

She winked at Laura before slipping out the door. 

***

_So Carmilla, how has your first two weeks of school gone?_

Carmilla smiled at the computer screen. “Great. Seriously.” 

Laura walked out of the bathroom, rubbing her hair with a towel and looking at Carmilla. 

“I’m skyping with my mom,” Carmilla said in response to Laura’s look, “sorry Mother, that’s just my roommate.” 

_That’s fine darling. And Miss Wolfe, how is she working out?_

Carmilla thought back to the night before, to the party, to kissing Ell before Laura interrupted. 

Laura could hear them, and even though she _knew_ she didn’t really feel like Laura giving her any knowing looks while she talked to her mother, so she switched to signing. 

_I’ve enjoyed using her a lot more than I thought I would,_ Carmilla answered, truthfully. 

_That’s wonderful. I knew you would like her. I specifically asked for one that was younger so you would be more comfortable._

Carmilla fought back a smirk. _I am definitely comfortable with her._

_Wonderful!_

They talked for a few more minutes before Carmilla signed off. 

Laura had a little notepad she’d apparently bought from the school store, and she grabbed a pen from behind her ear. 

‘So have you spoken to Ell?’ 

“Since I left last night? No. How’d you and Danny go?” 

A wide smile spread across Laura’s face before she managed to fight it back, and Carmilla laughed. 

“I figured that, since you texted to tell me not to come back. Had to sleep on a couch in the lobby, by the way, so thanks for that.” 

‘I want to say I’m sorry but I’m kinda not ;)’ 

Carmilla laughed. “Jesus, you little narcissist, don’t get a swelled head.” 

‘But Danny is SO HOT and her lips are so soft and don’t even get me started on like...other parts of her body.’ 

Carmilla’s eyebrows shot up. “Believe me I won’t ask. See you, I got to head to class.” 

‘I hope Ell shows up. Have a good day, Roomie!’ 

“She’ll show up.” 

Carmilla was half afraid that Ell wouldn’t show up to class. She’d seemed pretty freaked out at what she’d done--although Carmilla couldn’t really bring herself to regret doing it. But when Carmilla stepped into the classroom Ell _was_ there, going over the lesson plan with her professor. Ell saw Carmilla, and Carmilla could almost see Ell’s stomach clench before she forced herself to smile. 

_Morning, Carmilla._

_Okay if you expect us not to talk about last night you are sorely mistaken._

Ell swallowed. Carmilla sat down and Ell looked at the professor, who was busy going over things--as if he would be able to eavesdrop anyway. 

_Carmilla I am sorry. I will not deny that I think you are really attractive, and I like you. A lot. But I am an adult and I should have never let things go that far._

She watched Ell with disinterest before answering, _Ell, you realize I am an adult, right?_

_Yes, but I am older. You’re 18. You are barely an adult and you still are a teenager._

Carmilla leaned back in her seat. _Can I say something now?_

_Yes._

_Ell, we like each other. You are not teaching me, you are just telling me what the professor says. What is so wrong about this?_

_Your mother asked the school to hire me. That’s a sacred trust! She did not want me to be fraternizing with her daughter. You have plenty of options that are not me that I am SURE would be interested._

_Ell,_ Carmilla continued, _I think you are beautiful. You are smart. You have to be the nicest woman I have ever met. We talk to each other and I don’t feel like I’m,_ Carmilla paused, trying to find the right words, _an inconvenience._

Ell’s gaze softened. _Carmilla, you are not an inconvenience. Who told you that?_

_People don’t have to. They’ll look annoyed when I have to ask them to repeat something more than once because I’m having trouble reading their lips, or if I just ask them to write something down. Sometimes they don’t even bother talking directly to me when you’re around. And when you talk to me I actually feel like you care about what I have to say. Also, you’re just really really hot and nice, okay?_

Ell bit her lip. There was the conflicted look again. _Your roommate saw us, right?_

Carmilla shook her head. _She’s not going to tell._

_You’re sure?_

_I’ve got leverage, sort of. Plus we’re friends and she told me she wouldn’t. Laura is weirdly loyal._

They were friends now; she felt like the least she should do when Laura promised to keep a secret for her was to do her the courtesy of calling her a friend. 

Ell bit her lip. _I like you too,_ Ell admitted, _I really, really like you too._

_Tell me more._

Ell rolled her eyes. _Fine. You’re gorgeous and intelligent and a little bit mean but in a way that’s kind of endearing, okay? You are cute._

_I have never been described as cute before._

_It’s weird, I know, but that is how I feel._

_So?_

Ell seemed to consider the question before adding, _and I do want to be with you._

Carmilla fought the urge to fist pump. _Knew it._

_Do not be a jerk about being right._

_I thought that was kind of endearing?_

Ell’s lips curled up in a smile briefly before she became serious again. _We need to be really, really careful about this okay?_

_Yes, yes, of course._

_If we are going to do this no one can know while I am working for the school. And I kind of need a job so I can’t just quit._

_Secret relationship?_ Carmilla grinned, _I am all about that life, Sweetheart._

_Okay. Okay, it is settled then. I am doing this. Why do you have to be so attractive?_

Ell buried her face in her hands, collapsing into her chair. A few students were giving her strange looks, and Ell finally lifted herself before finishing off with: 

_And in class I need to be strictly professional. I have a code of ethics I signed, you know._

_And yet where were you last night?_

Ell narrowed her eyes and Carmilla apologized, but she couldn’t wipe the smirk off her face. 

***

‘So you guys are like, dating now?’ 

Carmilla was laying on her bed, holding her phone up and smiling at the ceiling. “Yes, yes we are. And you and your TA?” 

‘Ugh stop calling her my TA it makes me feel hinky.’ 

‘Well she is _.’_

‘Then I’ll start calling _your_ questionable judgement induced girlfriend Miss Wolfe.’ 

Carmilla frowned. “Touche.” 

‘Anyway, at least Danny isn’t also six years older than me.’ 

‘I am very mature for my age.’ 

‘You brought Ell to that party because you wanted to seduce your ASL interpreter. I would hardly call that mature.’ 

‘I thought we were FRIENDS now, Cupcake. You are hurting my poor little ego.’ 

‘Your ego is anything but little, Carm.’ 

She couldn’t really argue with that, so Carmilla sat up. “Hey, can I ask you for a favor?” 

Laura mouthed, “what?” 

“I need a place for Ell and I to hang out.” 

Laura considered what she said and, when realization hit her, Laura shook her head and started typing. 

‘I need to live here too, Carmilla!’ 

‘Ew, NO. I mean hopefully, but I just want to study with her and stuff. We are DATING, you know, we’re not going to be jumping each other all the time.’ 

‘Are you guys dating? I mean, have you actually talked labels and stuff?’ 

Carmilla raised an eyebrow. “Are you?” 

Laura pouted, grumbled something Carmilla couldn’t hear (but assumed was not flattering) and rolled over, pulling the covers over her head. 

***

“So...hi, Laura.” 

Of course Ell looked uncomfortable; Carmilla didn’t blame her, she was a little too. But Laura tried valiantly not to add to the heavy discomfort covering the room like a wet blanket. 

Carmilla was holding Ell’s hand, and she was pleased by how Ell seemed to relax in spite of herself; the one disadvantage was that Ell couldn’t sign with one of her hands occupied, so Carmilla followed their discussion with her eyes as best she could. 

“Hey, Miss Wolfe--” 

“Ell. Call me Ell. Or--I mean whatever you call me it will feel weird. But I would prefer Ell.” 

“Oh! I mean it’s totally fine. What you’re doing I mean, well, I guess at first glance--” 

Ell was the perfect face to read, with full lips, a pleasant (very pleasant) face, a naturally perfectly paced way of speaking. Laura was much harder--especially when she started to ramble. Carmilla thought she caught ‘robot’. Carmilla let go of Ell’s hand and Ell looked at her. 

_Did you follow any of that?_

_I lost her at ‘first glance’._

_Here--’it looks kind of suspect but really, like you said at the party, you’re basically just a google translate machine so the only weird thing is Carmilla dating a robot, it doesn’t even matter if the robot is older and technically works for the school.’”_

Carmilla rolled her eyes and responded, _please, at least we look the same age. Laura’s girlfriend is a full foot taller and it looks like she’s dating a twelve year old. It is disturbing._

Ell laughed a little, and Laura frowned. Carmilla caught Laura in the corner of her eye. 

“Hey! What are you talking about? Is it about me?” 

“No, it isn’t,” Ell answered, still looking at Carmilla. She was smiling softly, and Carmilla smiled back. 

_Feel better about this? You can talk, I have no problem staring at your lips._

She wiggled her eyebrows for effect. 

“I am feeling a little better, yes,” Ell admitted, “it feels good to have someone else who knows and isn’t...mostly isn’t bothered.” 

“Plus she’s dating her TA so it’s not like she can judge.” 

“Laura, you’re dating your _\--_ ” Ell stopped. She took a breath through her nose. “...I am sorry, that was a knee jerk reaction. I promise I won’t judge.” 

“...Thanks, Ell. So…” Laura motioned to them, “you guys can just like...do whatever.” 

“Oh. Thank you. Um.” Ell stood, turning to look at Carmilla. _I need to go but I can text you later, okay?_

_Sure._

_Good. Good night._ Ell looked at Laura, then bent down to give Carmilla a soft kiss. She lingered for a moment before pulling away reluctantly and slipping out the door. 

Carmilla narrowed her eyes at Laura. “What are you looking at?” 

Laura smirked. “You _like_ her.” 

Carmilla threw a pillow at her. Laura ducked. She looked at Carmilla again. 

“Is the way I’m speaking now easier to get?” She asked. 

“Yeah, that’s good.” 

“Good. Um, good luck with this whole Ell thing, I guess.” 

“Good luck with Danny.”

Laura started to smile in spite of herself. “Oh my _God,_ I still can’t believe I’m her girlfriend. When I started school my dad was all like ‘focus on your studies, Laura’ and ‘relationships can wait until you get an education Laura’ and ‘please make sure you keep your bear spray on you at all times Laura--I mean, unrelated, but still--and I was like, ‘naw, I think I’m going to hook up with my super hot lit TA instead!’” 

Carmilla started laughing. She finally gained enough composure to say, “Oh Christ, my mom is the same way. I’m pretty sure if she had it her way I would _never_ leave our house.” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah, she thinks I’m going to like, get hit by a bus because I can’t hear it coming probably. Or some other stupid shit like that.” 

“My dad thinks I’ll be mauled by a bear.” 

“My mom wouldn’t let me eat Halloween candy.” 

“Oh my God, that’s just _evil.”_

“She said someone could have ‘tampered’ with it.” 

“I feel waybetter about my dad now.” 

They both had a chuckle at that, looking down at the floor and then back at each other. Laura got up, grabbing her phone. 

‘Hey, you want to go?’ 

Carmilla read it and looked at Laura quizzically. 

‘To celebrate, Carm. I feel like hot chocolate. I am out of hot chocolate. We can find hot chocolate and toast our new, attractive girlfriends.’ 

“ _Or,_ or, we can find alcohol.” 

‘Where?’ 

Carmilla laughed. She stood up and grabbed Laura’s hand. “God, I know I was just as sheltered as you Cupcake, but I am going to teach you how to _live._ ” 

***

Carmilla went from thinking her semester was going to be boring to her semester absolutely _kicking ass._

It was amazing what dating a hot ASL interpreter did for Carmilla’s personality--everything just seemed _better._ Her peers seemed positively tolerable, her classes were even somewhat enjoyable. Laura was even, dare Carmilla say, a _good friend._

Bonding over ethically questionable relationships was apparently a fast way to cement a friendship. If Carmilla wasn’t spending time with Ell, she was usually with Laura. And when she was with Ell, Laura was there at least sixty percent of the time, considering that they spent most of their time in the room now.

 _How are you doing on your paper?_ Ell asked her one night, sitting with them in Laura’s room. Carmilla saw Laura watching Ell, trying to decipher what she was saying. Laura had still been valiantly trying to learn ASL--she’d memorized a few basic phrases, but had not gotten better at much else. 

Carmilla shrugged, stretching out her legs and adjusting her laptop. _It’s getting done I guess._ She closed the lip. Unceremoniously, she laid her head in Ell’s lap, and Ell bent down to kiss her. 

“Laura, I know you’re probably gagging right now, so stop,” Carmilla mumbled. Ell looked over at her. 

“No, Laura is talking to Danny. I think.” 

Laura was typing something furiously into her phone. Carmilla rolled on her side to look at her. “Cupcake?” 

“I need to go to the library to finish getting sources for my lit paper,” Laura said as Ell signed, “but Danny is trying to get me not to go. I know the library is dangerous at night but _geez,_ she needs to calm down.” 

“Tell her to fuck off and let you do whatever you want.” 

_Carmilla!_

“Hey, I’d tell you the same thing,” Carmilla pointed out, “she can’t tell Laura where she can and can’t go.” 

“The library can be dangerous,” Laura said again, “she just doesn’t want me to get hurt.” 

But she was still frowning hard at her phone. Carmilla reached with her hands, grabbing Ell’s cheeks. 

“ _Babe,_ pay attention to me.” 

_You were just talking to Laura,_ Ell pointed out. 

“Now I’m not.” 

Ell looked down at Carmilla dryly, raising an eyebrow. 

“Come on, I’m going home for Thanksgiving soon. Aren’t you going to miss me? You’ll have to go without me for _days,_ Sweetheart.” 

Ell rolled her eyes affectionately, and she ducked her head to kiss Carmilla again. 

_You’ll have fun home,_ Ell signed when they both pulled away, _we can skype if you can get away from your mom._

_You know I’m going to find a way to get away from my mom._

Carmilla felt Ell’s stomach expand and contract as she sighed. 

_I have to go, honey._

“Ell, you should stay. Come on, sneak out in the morning.” 

Ell turned her head, and Carmilla followed her gaze to Laura. 

“Uh, _no,_ I would like to not have to sleep on the hall floor tonight.” 

Carmilla stuck her tongue out at Laura. Ell gently made Carmilla sit up. 

_I can talk to you later._

_As in, you’ll text me as soon as possible?_

Ell agreed. Carmilla lingered at the door when she walked out and Laura was looking at her pointedly. 

“Do not give me that look,” Carmilla said, “you are dating your TA and it seems that Ell at the moment is being more considerate than _your_ girl.” 

Laura grabbed the notepad she kept on her nightstand, scribbled on it, and handed the paper to Carmilla. 

‘I would just like to point out that as soon as I am out of that class Danny is no longer my TA, whereas YOUR girlfriend is still your interpreter no matter what class you’re in next semester.’ 

Carmilla crumpled the paper up and threw it at Laura. She didn’t look fazed. 

‘Anyway, I’m going to the library’ 

Laura got up to leave, and then stopped. She scribbled something else and then handed it to Carmilla. 

‘COME WITH ME’

“What? Why?” 

‘Because Danny is going to get all mad at me for going this late but I can tell her I had someone with me so it wasn’t that dangerous see?’ 

“...She’ll be mad at you unless you have a _chaperone._ ” 

The air became uncomfortable until Laura wrote: 

‘Carmilla, please, I’d like you to come anyway, okay? We’re friends.’ 

Carmilla took one look at Laura’s stupid, puppy dog face and finally answered, “let me find a weapon first.” 

***

‘Carmilla you are kind of mean but you are also like the best friend EVER!’ 

She needed a moment to catch her breath. Carmilla was wrinkling her nose, still gagging on the smell of smoke, and she finally texted Laura back: ‘I better be considering I got set on FIRE. Jesus Cupcake.’ 

‘It was not my fault! How was I supposed to know a library would have Dragons of Unusual Size?’ 

(In Laura’s defense, Carmilla did not expect tiny swarms of fire breathing dragons to live in a library either. And _certainly_ not nesting in a copy of _The Illiad._ ) 

As Carmilla was considering her response, her phone vibrated again. 

‘Carmilla, come on. Bring it in.’ 

She looked up from her phone and Laura, equally singed and smoky, was holding her arms out for a hug, books deposited on the ground. 

“I am not hugging you in the middle of the quad, Laura, I have a reputation.” 

Laura didn’t respond, just spread her arms out wider. Carmilla could clearly get the message. 

_“Fine.”_

Laura wasted no time in wrapping Carmilla up in a hug, while Carmilla stood still with her arms dangling awkwardly at her sides.

“Mmph, thanks,” Carmilla said, giving Laura a pat on the back, “can we continue walking back to our room?” 

Laura let go, but kept texting Carmilla while they walked. 

‘Carmilla Karnstein, you are a total BADASS’ 

‘No seriously! You just grabbed my can of bear spray and you were like EAT THIS DRAGON MOFOS’ 

The next text was a picture of Van Hellsing and ‘Dis you’ 

‘Anyway, yeah, you totally saved me because I would have probably died or at the very least I would have had to tell my professor a dragon burned my homework.’ 

Carmilla didn’t respond to any of them, only looked down at the screen and smiled in between texts before looking back up at the sky. It was actually kind of cool to get out at night; there was less light pollution on campus than there was back home. Stargazing was one thing that had never lost its enjoyment even as Carmilla’s hearing diminished. It was something she didn’t need to learn to adjust over the years, and Carmilla liked that. 

She felt a gentle nudge against her and Carmilla looked back at Laura. “Huh?” 

“We’re here,” Carmilla saw Laura mouth, with a soft smile. Carmilla turned a little red from embarrassment--Laura must have noticed her gazing wistfully at the sky or something--mumbled something about going to bed, and walked into the building. 

***

Thanksgiving came and went, which was a mostly uneventful affair that involved a lot of awkward small talk with Mother. Coming up with a sufficient report on how school was going was difficult, considering that Carmilla had to leave the one, most important detail. 

She ended up talking about Laura a lot instead. Which was easy, they were roommates, and there were a lot of amusing stories about her that didn’t involve almost getting killed by tiny dragons that made Mother happy to hear. 

Carmilla kept getting texts from Laura throughout dinner. Mostly on the amusing things her father said. 

‘Update: Dad reminds me to beware of killer pigeons’ 

‘Update: Dad gets mad at me because I switched to a more provocative facebook photo that could attract potential stalkers. The reason: I am no longer wearing a sweater in my profile pic. Behold my sexy, sexy neck.’ 

Carmilla loved her mother, she really did, but they were a good break from Mother droning on about corporate office politics. 

When she finally returned to Silas, Mother dropping her off before leaving to jet off on another business trip, Ell was there to meet her at the gate.

_Ell, God, I missed you a lot._

Ell didn’t even bothered signing before grabbing Carmilla, pulling her into a kiss and hugging her. She let go, and Carmilla was pleased to see that her lipstick was slightly smudged. 

_You have no idea. It is not nearly the same as seeing you through a Skype screen._

She grabbed Ell’s hand, lacing their fingers together. “We’ll let go when we head back into campus,” she said, “I really just want to do it now.” 

Ell smiled softly, leaning in to kiss Ell quickly on the temple. They walked together before Carmilla, reluctantly, let go and put some space between them. 

_I’ll see you in an hour for your class,_ Ell promised. 

_And tonight?_

_Of course._

Ell waved goodbye, and Ell watched her walk away wistfully before turning and heading toward her dorm. When she was in sight of it, she felt someone suddenly grabbing her. 

“Jesus fuck what--oh, _Cupcake._ ” 

She relaxed, letting Laura finish with her sideways tackle hug. Laura let go, grabbing her phone, Carmilla having already grabbed hers almost instinctively. 

‘Sorry for surprising you!’ 

“It’s fine.” 

‘I just really missed you. I mean I never had a best friend before.’ 

Carmilla let her eyes linger over ‘best friend’ and Laura shifted uncomfortably, realizing what she had just stated. 

‘I mean you know it was just that I was homeschooled so I didn’t get to meet a lot of people.’ 

“I knew we were friends I just didn’t realize you thought…” Carmilla trailed off. 

‘Well I mean I also have Perry, and LaF, and Betty but like, I guess you just really have my back you know? I mean you freaking fought off dragons to help me.’ 

“...Actually, I guess you’re mine too.” 

It was a sudden but not particularly surprising revelation. She had a lot of acquaintances; she got along well with Laura’s friends; but the only people Carmilla _really_ spoke to were Laura and Ell, who obviously was a little more than a friend. 

So yeah. Carmilla Karnstein had a best friend. 

She stared at Laura awkwardly for a moment before Laura mouthed, “...What now?” 

“Want to go up to our room? I’ll read while you text random shit at me from across the room.” 

Basically, they act exactly the same as they did before. Laura smiled, grabbing Carmilla’s arm and pulling her along to do just that. 

***

Maybe Laura had felt uncomfortable, or maybe unsure about talking to Carmilla outside of their room and their library trip. But after Carmilla’s admission of Laura being her best friend, she was struck by how much more often she found herself running into Laura while she was going to class. They had, apparently, been walking in the same direction for weeks without realizing it, and once Laura _did,_ she insisted on Carmilla walking with her and Danny. Less time to talk with Ell about whatever she wanted. But Laura was her best friend, and it bothered her less than she thought it would. 

“...And that is how I totally aced my history paper,” Laura finished, gesturing wildly as Ell signed, looking mildly horrified by the story, “and how Carmilla totally proved she was cooler than Beowulf. Beowulf didn’t survive fighting _one_ dragon.” 

“Admittedly a pretty big one though,” Carmilla pointed out. 

“I bet if you put all of them together they were the same size though,” Laura replied. 

Danny was frowning throughout this conversation. “See, that’s why you shouldn’t have gone that late.” 

Laura rolled her eyes. “Please Danny, I’m _fine._ Besides, I had Carmilla with me. It’s not like I went by myself, see?” 

“Not that she couldn’t have,” Carmilla replied smoothly, “she is quite capable. If a bit naive.” 

“Hey!” 

Danny still looked displeased, and Carmilla could see the reluctance in her face before Ell interpreted Danny’s answer, “I...guess it’s good that you went with her. Thanks.” 

“Anytime for my best friend, Red,” she replied, making Danny’s brow furrow. Laura grabbed Danny’s hand, saying something to her. Danny shrugged, pecking Laura on the lips. She broke away from them, having to head to her next class, and Laura looked back at Carmilla. 

“Laura, no offense,” Carmilla said, “but your girlfriend? Kind of a bitch.” 

_Carmilla!_

“Ell don’t look so outraged, you know me by now.” 

Laura rubbed a hand through her hair, tangling it, biting her lip. “Danny is not mean,” she said, “she isn’t your biggest fan though. But she’s really nice to all my other friends! I keep telling her if she just _talked_ to you like a normal person she would see you’re actually pretty cool and you’re even both into reading and stuff, but…” She trailed off. 

Carmilla’s jaw worked back and forth. “Have you thought that maybe it’s because she doesn’t feel _threatened_ by your other friends?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean,” Carmilla answered, “that your other friends are, a neurotic Betty Crocker wannabe; a pyromaniac mad scientist; a heterosexual party girl; and a half wit male. _I,_ however, am your incredibly hot and, as far as she knows, _single_ roommate.”

Laura frowned. “You think she’s _jealous?”_

“I am telling you, she seems clingy and if I were you I’d dump her ass.” 

Laura’s face turned red. “Well--well clearly _you_ make smart relationship choices! If I were you I wouldn’t date a _faculty member_ who thinks it’s okay to date a student!” 

Ell’s hands stilled, and she flinched, shrinking. Carmilla narrowed her eyes. “That is below the belt Laura, and you know it.”

Laura softened immediately. She mouthed, “Carm--” 

“Fuck off.” 

She said it short and quick, and Laura got the message. Carmilla grabbed Ell, pulling her away. 

“Hey, are you alright?” 

Ell didn’t look alright, but she responded, _yes._

“Look, Laura was just mad--” 

_I know._

“There was no one around, no one heard her--” 

_We should probably just go to your next class._

“..Right.” 

***

Carmilla was already in her room when Laura walked in. She didn’t acknowledge her. Laura went into the bathroom, walked out, grabbed a mug of hot chocolate, went to her bed, drank it, all the while looking at Carmilla in the corner of her eye. 

She’d already resigned herself to the fact that if Laura apologized, Carmilla would give in. What she didn’t expect was a paper airplane landing in her lap. 

(Jesus, she must have practiced throwing that, didn’t she? What a freaking nerd.) 

Carmilla grabbed it, unfolding it. 

‘So Danny and I broke up’ 

Carmilla swung her legs over, looking at Laura. “Phone, _now,”_ she said, reaching for hers, “what the fuck happened? Do I need to kick her ass? I will enjoy kicking her ass. You are too good for her--” 

‘Carmilla, I dumped Danny, not the other way around’ 

“--we can celebrate, I’ll find a movie with subtitles on my laptop, I’ll even drink that hot cocoa shit you like, _Hallelujah_ you actually came to your senses.” 

Laura looked upset. Carmilla frowned. “...Alright, look, I’m sure you liked her very much and and everything but trust me, you did the right thing.” 

Her shoulders slumped, and Laura responded, ‘I know I did but it still sucks’ 

“What was the straw that broke the camel’s back?” 

‘We had a talk and I was telling her I didn’t like how annoyed she gets when I want to go to the library at night and I didn’t always need her to come with me because I can TAKE CARE OF MYSELF you know?’ 

She looked up at Carmilla, who nodded. 

‘And I also mentioned you, and she needs to be nicer to my best friend you know? And how she should be THANKING YOU because you SAVED ME FROM DRAGONS. But Danny was like ‘no offense but she can’t hear, it’s not like she’s the best person to guard people’ and you know, I just went OFF. That was SO ABLEIST and Danny apologized, and I think she was being sincere, but it doesn’t matter you know? I’ll try and be her friend but I’m not dating someone who thinks being deaf means you can’t be a badass dragon killing MOFO’ 

“You didn’t need to dump your girlfriend to defend my honor, Cupcake,” Carmilla said. 

This time Laura didn’t text. She looked at Carmilla completely perplexed, and she saw Laura answer “Of _course_ I did. I won’t date someone who can’t respect my best friend.” 

Carmilla bit her lip. She could feel tears itching at her eyes, and she wasn’t going to cry, definitely not, but she _could have_ if she wanted to, and that was kind of a big deal for Carmilla.

“You are something special Cupcake,” Carmilla said, “and--oh fuck, please don’t cry on me, I’m terrible at-- _okay_ fine but I warned you I’m really bad at this.” 

Carmilla stood, sitting next to Laura, and Laura’s head fell to Carmilla’s shoulder. After a few moments Carmilla could feel the moisture gathering on her shoulder from Laura’s tears, and Carmilla’s hand started to gently massage through Laura’s hair, doing her best to be a good friend. 

She didn’t know if she was doing a good job. But for Laura’s sake, she would try. 

***

_So I’m not really sure if you’ll really like this gift, but I hope you do._

Carmilla smiled at Ell. _Honestly, finally getting invited to your apartment is enough of a gift, sweetheart._

Ell smiled. She reached across the table grabbing Carmilla’s hand, gently rubbing her thumb in little circles across the back of her hand. With her other hand, Ell slid a little box toward her. 

“Here,” Ell mouthed, and Carmilla took her other hand, flipping it open. Inside was a little silver necklace. “And it is not as expensive as it looks so like...I hope you don’t freak out about it or anything.” 

“Ell, this is really beautiful.” Carmilla lifted it up in her hand, letting the chain dangle. There was a little charm at the end, a little hand that looked like it was making the ASL sign for ‘I love you’. Carmilla smirked. “And it is also _incredibly_ sappy but hey, that’s you.” 

She let go of Carmilla’s hand, blushing. _I know but I saw it and I just had to get it. Besides,_ Ell sucked in a breath, finishing bashfully, _you know I do...really love you right?_

Carmilla broke out into a warm smile. She slipped her necklace around her neck, then grabbed both of Ell’s hands. 

“I want you to say it,” Carmilla answered. 

“Why?” Ell mouthed. 

“Because I don’t ever want to miss you saying it. I want to memorize what it looks like so when you can tell everyone else, I’ll always know when you’re saying it.” 

Ell looked like she was fighting off a laugh when she answered, “Carmilla Karnstein, I love you. A lot.” 

Carmilla leaned in, kissing her, thumb stroking across her girlfriend’s cheek, moving their food out of the way as Carmilla moved her chair closer. “I really don’t want to go home for Christmas break,” Carmilla mumbled against Ell’s lips. She felt her smile. 

_I know,_ Ell answered when Carmilla pulled away, _I don’t want you to go either._

_Especially when I just found out you have such a nice place._

It really was. Carmilla looked around again, noticing the walls were the same color as Ell’s eyes, and the photos hanging up on the walls and in picture frames--one of Ell holding her diploma and cap after graduation, another of her posing with a man and a woman she guessed were Ell’s parents. Another of Ell standing in the middle of a group of children. 

_What is that from?_

_I worked as a counselor at a summer camp for children with hearing disabilities._

_Really?_

_Yes. It actually went up to eighteen years old._

Ell frowned a little at that. 

_You’re not thinking about how we could have met at that camp, are you?_

_I’m trying not to, I know it’s stupid._

Carmilla sighed. She tried to change the subject, grabbing Ell, pulling her into the living room and sitting them both on the couch. “Sweetheart, there is nothing wrong about what we’re doing.” She leaned in to kiss her, Ell looked comforted for the moment, and Carmilla was satisfied. 

_How have your classes been?_ Ell asked, _I know you have a paper due when you get back in philosophy._

Carmilla groaned, head hitting the back of the couch. _Normally I love philosophy, but my professor is so dry._

Ell admitted, _it can be hard to pay attention to him sometimes._

 _And he is so long winded. I don’t know Ell,_ Carmilla looked at her, _could you like, make his classes a little more interesting for me?_

Ell frowned. _What do you mean?_

_Like, could you paraphrase what he’s saying so it’s not so mind numbingly boring?_

Carmilla saw Ell’s eye twitch. _Carmilla I can’t do that. How could you even ask me that?_

_Why not?_

_It’s my duty not to add or leave out any information the professor says. I am supposed to interpret what he is saying as closely as possible. I can’t paraphrase him, that would go against the agreement I signed and would be extremely unethical._

Carmilla raised an eyebrow. _It is not as if you’ve never done anything unethical before._

_Don’t throw that in my face! I only agreed to do this because I thought you were more mature than to ask me something like that!_

Ell signed it furiously, hard lines creasing in her forehead, eyes narrowed. Carmilla actually leaned back a little. Ell’s face fell and she blushed. 

_Carmilla--I didn’t mean to snap at you like that. I am sorry._

Carmilla glared at her. “You know what? I am going to go.” 

_Carmilla, wait. It’s raining, at least let me walk you home._

“Yeah, I do not really want to be around you right now,” Carmilla answered, grabbing her jacket and slipping it on, “Merry Christmas, and your gift is under the table.” 

Ell was gesturing, but Carmilla turned her back on her and walked out. And was right, it _was_ raining, pretty heavily actually, and there was even a few flashes that indicated lightning, but she didn’t care. Carmilla held up her phone, using the light to guide her as she walked. 

She was going to wait for Ell to apologize and she better damn well do it. And Carmilla hoped the gift made her feel like shit too (a copy of _Pride and Prejudice,_ illustrated by contemporary artists--she’d been looking forward to the look on Ell’s face when she opened it, since she’d mentioned once it was her favorite book, but plans changed). 

Carmilla was trying to be patient. She thought she’d been pretty damn patient. And maybe Ell was right, in fact she _was,_ Carmilla really shouldn’t be asking for favors. But Ell had been so calm and grounded when Carmilla met her. Now she was nervous, all the time, for no reason--well, Carmilla knew the reason. But she wished Ell would just _calm down._

By the time she got back to her dorm she was soaked, pissed off, and her phone was almost out of power. She was about to plug it into the wall when there was another flash of lightning...and the lights went out. 

“Shit!” 

Her phone died out. No charge on her phone, the power out, and that left Carmilla. Alone. In the dark. 

Carmilla was _not_ a fan of the dark. Being unable to see was a phobia of hers--although phobias were supposed to be _irrational_ fears, and Carmilla had a pretty rational basis for hers. She curled up on her bed, hugging her knees, biting her lower lip so hard Carmilla was sure it would start bleeding. 

There was the sudden feeling of a hand touching her and Carmilla lashed out, striking blindly, hitting something soft. She pressed her back against the wall and a flash of lightning illuminated the room just enough that for a split second Carmilla could see--

“Oh _shit,_ Laura, sorry. Uh, the power went out. I’m literally deaf _and_ blind at the moment so...yeah. Did I break anything?” 

It was useless to ask, she couldn’t see Laura, and her phone was dead. But Carmilla felt Laura’s hand curl around her wrist, and then her finger gently tickling her palm. 

“What are you doing?” 

Laura made the motion again, firmer this time. Carmilla realized what she was doing. She was _spelling._

N-O. 

“No…? Uh, tap once if I’m right.” 

She felt one tap. Carmilla squirmed as Laura’s finger tickled her palm. 

I H-A-V-E

“I have?” 

A-N I-D-E-A! 

“An...idea…?” 

Laura stopped signing, and Carmilla asked softly, “uh, Laura? Where’d you g--” 

There was a faint glow and tension leaked out of Carmilla like a balloon letting out air. Laura was standing in front of her, holding a sign she apparently made, with a border of holly she’d colored in with marker. 

MERRY CHRISTMAS CARMILLA! 

Laura looked up at the ceiling and Carmilla followed her. 

“Oh my God, _what?”_

The ceiling was covered in stars, and Carmilla could even pick out the constellations. She looked back at Laura, who had started rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet.

_Like it?_

Carmilla blinked. “You can sign? 

Laura frowned. She grabbed her notepad and paper and wrote, ‘I memorized a few things just for this. ASL is hard.’ 

“Show me what you’ve got.” 

Laura took a deep breath. _Merry Christmas Carmilla. I saw how you looked at the stars before. So I got a star light for you._

She smiled sheepishly and grabbed the paper again. ‘That one night after you helped me go to the library I saw you looking at them, so I thought you’d like this. Lucky, it runs on batteries or a charger. I hope you like it.’ 

Carmilla looked up again. “Cupcake,” Carmilla breathed, “this is...really, _really_ beautiful.” 

Laura’s smile became less nervous and more genuine. Carmilla looked at her. “Hey, lay down on the floor.” 

Her brow furrowed, and Carmilla added, “you bought it for me, it’s only fair that you enjoy it with me.” 

Laura nodded, laying down on the floor. Carmilla joined her. 

“Anyway, thanks. Ell and I kind of got into a...we had a thing. It wasn’t fun.” 

She turned her head. “And I’m purposefully not looking at you because I don’t want to talk about it. I just wanted you to know...I mean this made my night a _lot_ better. So I want to do you a favor and paint a picture for you,” Carmilla turned her head back toward Laura, “okay?” 

She nodded, hesitantly. 

“Okay. It’s summer time. We’re outside on a hill and we’re looking up at the stars. You’ve gotten over your ex, and my girlfriend isn’t afraid to be seen with me in public for fear of losing her job,” Carmilla paused, “...but right now it’s just us, outside, not in some cheap college dorm room. Now I’m deaf, so you can’t interrupt me while I tell you all about these constellations, 

okay?” 

She felt Laura’s pinky gently curl around Carmilla’s, hands touching, which she took as an okay. She couldn’t even hear herself talking and she didn’t care. Because she _didn’t_ get Laura a Christmas present, and she was only now realizing that she deserved one, because Laura Hollis could be a mess sometimes but she knew when she _needed_ to be there. Even if she had no idea she did. 

“Great. So we’ll start with Ursa Major and Minor…” 

***

Carmilla was not a fan of breaking up with a woman right after declaring their love for each other; she was much more the type to demand them to beg. Which Ell did--sending her text messages all throughout break, until there was practically always a buzz against her hip. 

_You seem rather popular,_ Mother pointed out during dinner when Carmilla pulled out her phone to check her message. 

‘Carmilla honestly I’m really sorry but I can’t show you that unless you actually talk to me, please Skype? Love you, Ell’ 

And an accompanying picture of Ell making an (admittedly adorable) puppy dog face. Carmilla put her phone back. 

_Yeah, I am popular,_ she answered smoothly. 

_And when did you buy jewelry?_

She pointed out the necklace--Carmilla had never taken it off--and she covered it with her hand. “Oh, that’s Ell--” she stopped. 

“Ell?” She mouthed. Carmilla didn’t respond. Mother put down her fork. 

_Isn’t that Miss Wolfe’s name?_

_I call her Ell, Miss Wolfe just feels weird._

Mother raised an eyebrow. _And she gave you a silver necklace? That gift seems rather...personal._

Carmilla started to gently play with it, turning the charm in her fingers. “Ell and I have to spend a lot of time together--” 

_That_ was not helping matters, Carmilla tried to mask her obvious discomfort, if she looked like she had something to hide she was pretty much doomed. 

“--So yeah, we got each other a little gift for Christmas. This isn’t uh...as expensive as it looks. And I, um...picked out the charm myself?” 

_I wouldn’t expect you to choose one like that._

“Well, my roommate helped me out,” Carmilla added, “Laura is disgustingly sentimental and she would not leave me alone until I got it.” 

(That lie rolled off of Carmilla’s tongue a little easier because it _was_ true, Laura _was_ disgustingly sentimental. And she had absolutely gushed over how adorable Ell’s present was once the power came back on and she could get a good look.) 

_How much time are you and Miss Wolfe...spending together?_

Carmilla raised an eyebrow. “Just walking between classes every day. Look, it isn’t a big deal Mother. Honestly.” 

She still looked suspicious, and Carmilla’s hand inched toward her pocket, as if at any moment Mother would try and grab her phone. Eventually she looked back down at her plate, taking another bite of Christmas ham. Carmilla jammed a brussel sprout in her mouth, chewed and swallowed as quickly as she could, and excused herself. She had a Skype call to make. 

***

_You...guys...okay?_

Carmilla sighed, putting her book on her chest and looking at her roommate. “Laura, if you’re going to be that slow I’d rather we just stick to texting.” 

Laura pouted, but reached for her phone. 

“And yeah. Ell and I skyped over break and she was _very_ apologetic. So I think we’re alright.” 

‘Have you seen her in person yet?’ 

“No. I’m heading to class now though, so, you know,” Carmilla arranged her books in her bag, about to walk out the door--only to find that Ell was already waiting in the hallway. 

“Ell,” Carmilla breathed, “uh, hey. Miss seeing my face in person that much, huh?” 

She was standing with her hands clasped in front of her, forcing a smile before raising them. _You have no idea. I...know we talked over the computer before but I wasn’t sure how official that make up was. So I came here._

Carmilla looked around the hallway. She leaned against the wall, and Ell joined her. 

_I know you overreacted,_ Ell continued, _but I don’t think you actually did because I think that was building up for awhile. Am I right?_

_Yes._

Ell bit her lip. _We avoided talking about it before but we probably should now._

 _We can’t act like a normal couple and it isn’t your fault but it sucks,_ Carmilla admitted. Ell nodded. 

_I keep trying to tell myself that if I don’t let us interfere with my job it would be okay so I freaked out. But it is and that is bothering me._

_It isn’t. I won’t bother you about doing anything anymore Ell, I’m sorry._

_Carmilla, you are about to be late for your first class and that is because we had a fight and need to talk about it. That is directly affecting my job. And all I can think about,_ Ell paused, _is how I am with you, somewhere I shouldn’t be, praying that no one recognizes that I work for the school. Not about how happy I am to see you. Not about how much I missed you._

Carmilla didn’t have an answer to that. 

_Ell, do you love me?_

She took a moment and, smiling, answered, _I do. God, Carmilla, I really do._

_That’s enough for me. That should be enough for you too. Is it?_

Ell didn’t answer. She looked around her before leaning in, capturing Carmilla’s lips in a soft kiss. 

_We should go._

Carmilla smiled. “Yeah, let’s go.” 

***

The next morning, Carmilla walked in and noticed the disturbing lack of Ell in her first class, and an old man taking her usual place. 

“Where is E--Miss Wolfe?” Carmilla asked. 

The old man wore a pin striped suit, his hands calloused and wrinkly. He looked at Carmilla, flashing a gummy smile. _Miss Karnstein, hello. Miss Wolfe handed in a resignation rather suddenly this morning, so I’m afraid I will be your interpreter for the rest of the year._

Carmilla frowned. _She quit?_

_Yes._

_Why did she quit?_

_I don’t know, unfortunately._

Carmilla couldn’t believe it. She quit. Ell _quit._ Which meant Ell did not work for the school anymore. A smile spread across Carmilla’s face as she realized what happened. She would _gladly_ deal with as many creepy looking old men as she needed to if it meant being with Ell consequence free. 

During class, Carmilla whipped out her phone and sent a text message. 

‘Ell, babe. You seriously quit your job? That is fucking awesome. Text me back so we can set up a meetup time. I want to thank you. ;)’ 

She didn’t think anything was wrong when she didn’t respond; Ell probably wanted Carmilla to pay attention during class. She shot Ell another text on her way to her second class of the day. Still no response. 

When she didn’t respond to the third message, and she didn’t seem to have read _any_ of the ones she’d already sent, Carmilla started to get worried. 

“Hey, Laura,” Carmilla said, looking over at her when she saw Laura walk into their room; she tossed her phone, and Laura managed to catch it after a very long, drawn out moment of trying not to drop it. “Do me a favor and call Ell.” 

Laura looked confused and she added, “I haven’t seen her all day and I’m getting kind of worried. So can you call her? Maybe she can’t read her texts for some reason.” 

Carmilla saw Laura say, “she wasn’t in class?” 

“No, she quit.” 

Laura’s mouth fell open. 

“It’s _not_ a bad thing, now our relationship isn’t ‘unethical’ or whatever,” Carmilla answered, a little too forcefully, “just call her with my phone, please? She might not answer with yours because she doesn’t recognize the number.” 

Laura shrugged, making the call. She put it to her ear, frowned, and then seemed to try again once, twice, three times. She blinked.

“Laura, what? She’s not answering?” 

Laura tossed the phone back at Carmilla, who fumbled with it for a moment before letting it fall in her lap. Laura grabbed her own phone, texting her. 

‘Carmilla, please don’t freak out, but I think Ell blocked your #?’ 

“What the _fuck?”_

‘Every time I try to call it goes straight to voicemail after one ring. Which you know is kind of weird.’ 

“...Try with your phone.” 

Laura obliged; Carmilla gave Laura the number. Laura waited, and after a moment, her eyes widened. She pressed ‘end call’ quickly, and after a moment: 

‘So yeah she just picked up and I hung up on her, she almost definitely blocked your number’

Carmilla’s stomach clenched almost painfully and shut put her phone down, hands gripping the edge of her bed. Laura bit her lip. She put her phone in her pocket. 

_You okay?_ Laura signed tentatively, and Carmilla nodded. 

“Yeah. Yeah. So Ell blocked my number and quit suddenly.” 

It was pretty hard to mistake those signs. 

“So I just got dumped,” Carmilla said. 

Laura started pacing around the room, typing what seemed to be a very long message into her phone. 

‘Okay so what are we going to do? She can’t do that! She can’t just pretend you guys made up and then quit and make it so you can’t even talk to her. I know what we should do--we should go to Ell’s house! And bang on her apartment door until she answers! I AM SO READY let’s go do something about this, no one deserves to be treated this way Carmilla. Maybe we could even catch some dragons from the library and set them loose in her apartment! What do you say? >:(‘ 

“Cupcake,” Carmilla said softly, “I already labored under the delusion that this relationship could ever work out. I’m not going to humiliate myself further by forcing myself on Ell when she so _clearly_ wants nothing to do with me.” 

Laura looked completely shocked, and she dropped her phone, rushing to sit next to Carmilla and wrap her in a hug. 

“Besides, it wasn’t sudden,” Carmilla continued, “honestly this was a long time coming, probably.” 

All those little things, Ell’s nervousness, how Carmilla needed to push her over the line at every step of their relationship, Ell snapping at her--of _course_ Ell bailed, of _course_ it didn’t work out. And Carmilla felt like an idiot for it, especially the way it happened, but how could she call it _sudden?_

Laura waved a hand and Carmilla looked up. 

_Want to talk?_

Carmilla sighed. “Look, I’ll be fine. Maybe. Eventually I guess. It just really sucks it’s like…” She paused, trying to find the right words. “I’m not just losing my girlfriend. She’s the only other person I know who’s good at ASL. I lost someone I could talk to. No offense, but all the texting and writing can be kind of slow and annoying sometimes.” 

Laura watched Carmilla. Her brow furrowed, mouth a grim line of determination. “I can learn,” she mouthed, and Carmilla tried not to roll her eyes. 

“No offense, but you’ve been saying that all year and you’ve barely learned anything. It’ll take awhile, at best. And you can’t understand when I do it.” 

Laura shook her head. “I will,” she repeated. She looked at her hand and then fingerspelled, _promise._

A pause. Then she spelled out: _Also, I will get alcohol._

“What kind?” 

_Any kind,_ Laura spelled out again. 

Carmilla managed to smile. 

***

Carmilla took the day off from class. One, she was not looking forward to dealing with Vordenberg, the creepy old man that she had to stare at until June. _That_ wasn’t going to be fun.

Second, when Laura left to find something to drink she came back with what was, apparently, her friend LaFontaine’s stash of LaForade. And Carmilla was now nursing the worst hangover she’d ever had and _could not sleep it off_ because of all the caffeine and sugar. 

When they promised it’d keep her awake for thirty-six hours, they weren’t kidding. 

So, barely able to functional and running off of no sleep, Carmilla was free to make terrible decisions. Like skyping her mother. 

_Okay, what the hell did you do?_

Miss Karnstein looked surprised for a moment, eyebrows raising before she signed back, _I will not have you talk to me like that, Carmilla. What exactly has set you off today?_

_You know why. You talked to Ell. You made her quit and block my phone number._

_So you are seeing her?_

_You knew I was, that’s why you threatened her into breaking up with me!_

She paused, looking confused (and furious) before responding, _is that what she told you?_

_No. She hasn’t told me anything. I haven’t seen her. You called her after break, didn’t you? Jesus, you can’t let me leave without trying to control my life from home, can you?_

She looked angry, but most of all confused. _Carmilla Mircalla Karnstein,_ she signed, _I would have liked nothing more than to call Miss Wolfe and threaten her with some sort of legal action for involving herself with my child. But I had nothing more than a suspicion I could not prove because of a few comments you made at dinner. I did not talk to her._

Carmilla blinked. _You are a liar. She loved me. She would not have done this on her own._

_Maybe she came to her senses and realized sleeping with the child she was tasked with helping academically was morally repugnant._

“I am not a child!” Carmilla snapped, because she deserved to be yelled at, because in her still half drunk state she couldn’t help holding onto the denial that Ell would not do this, couldn’t. 

_Then why would you do something so irresponsible, Carmilla?_

_She was happy. I was happy. Why couldn’t you just leave it alone?_

_I am telling you I did! Not that I wanted to, seeing as this entire affair is disgusting, inappropriate, and is making me seriously reconsider sending you to Silas in the first place--_

Carmilla turned the computer off hastily, flopping on her back. The fucking liar. She looked over to the other side of the room, wishing that Laura could be there. 

In fact, as more time passed Carmilla felt like she was dealing with the breakup on her own a lot more than she had expected to. Laura was the type to hole up in a room with Carmilla and refuse to leave her alone until they watched movies or some other ridiculous breakup therapy. But Laura still went to class. She still needed to study, because apparently when Carmilla’s life sucked the world did _not_ revolve around her. In fact, Carmilla saw her a _lot_ less. When Carmilla would ask where Laura was going, she would respond with something about studying and run off to, presumably, the library. 

A girlfriend who broke things off without so much as a text and a best friend who barely was in their room anymore. Yeah, Carmilla’s school year was going down in flames at this point. 

_I am bored, and life sucks,_ Carmilla signed lazily one evening, when Laura walked into their room rather late. She didn’t expect Laura to respond. She didn’t think she would even be able to respond. But Laura turned toward Carmilla and asked: 

_Okay. Why?_

Carmilla sat up. _Because my girlfriend dumped me more than a month ago, and now it’s almost Valentine’s Day so I get to relive that humiliation._

Laura frowned, sitting on her bed. _Were you planning on doing anything?_

_No. Want to have an anti Valentine’s Day? We can wear all black and watch movies where the couple breaks up at the end._

Laura shook her head. _Sorry, I had other plans._

_What other plans?_

Laura was smiling sheepishly, and Carmilla’s eyes widened before she said aloud, “Jesus Christ Laura, if you tell me you got back together with Danny I will throw myself out the window. Actually, no, I will throw _her_ out a window.” 

_No,_ Laura bit her lip. She looked nervous before adding, _Carmilla, I wanted to take you somewhere._

Carmilla sat up straighter. “Wait, what?” 

Laura looked like she was about to throw up before taking a deep breath, straightening up. Her movements were purposeful, not hesitant at all; it was clear that she had given this particular speech a lot of thought and practice. 

_Carmilla Karnstein,_ she signed, _will you do me the enormous honor of being my date for Valentine’s Day at a restaurant I have chosen? It is completely up to you whether it’s as friends or not. But my ASL has really come a long way this past month and a half. I’d love to show you._

Carmilla’s eyebrows shot up. Two things. 

One: Laura Hollis had not only been signing decently this entire time, but she had also been able to understand Carmilla when she signed. They were conversing. In ASL. Something that Laura had never been able to do before. 

Two: Laura Hollis was asking Carmilla out on a date. 

And, actually, Carmilla realized, a third thing: she wanted to say yes, even if the break up with Ell still kind of stung (Laura was her friend, after all, and she might as well give it a shot) and she should probably tell Laura that because she’d been staring at her dumbly for the past thirty seconds it took to process the information. 

_Laura, yes, I’d love to._

Laura smiled. “Really? Uh, I mean--” _You would?_

_Absolutely. Where are you taking me?_

Laura rubbed her hands together before responding: 

_Oh, I have a surprise for that._

***

“Laura, no offense, but blindfolding me? Not a good start to this date.” 

She had insisted, signing over and over that it would ‘ruin the surprise’ if Carmilla looked. She’d finally given in and let Laura tie the cloth around her eyes, with the promise that she could take it off if she ever felt too uncomfortable. But Carmilla tried to be a good sport about it--Laura just looked so excited.

Laura had a grip on Carmilla’s shoulders, leading her forward, only for Carmilla to gently bump into something solid like a door. She imagined Laura probably said ‘sorry!’ and, after being pulled backwards, finally was led inside. Laura grabbed the blindfold, taking it off Carmilla’s face. She stepped in front of her so Carmilla could watch her sign: 

_What do you think?_

Carmilla scanned the room. It was a restaurant; there were rows upon rows of square, mahogany tables, men and women bustling around the space in bright green shirts and dress pants. There was something a little...different about it, which Carmilla took a moment to pinpoint. The waiters and the diners were using sign language. 

She looked at the walls and saw a sign that said, ‘Signs Restaurant and Bar.’ Next to it, a large picture that said ‘WELCOME’, and a visual guide of someone signing it. In fact, there were a lot of pictures showing people using ASL. Carmilla looked at Laura. 

_A deaf restaurant?_

Laura bit her lip. _Interesting?_

Definitely interesting. 

_This is...considerate I guess._

_I wanted to show you that I don’t care,_ Laura explained, _I wanted to show you that the way you prefer to speak isn’t hard for me. So you know,_ Laura couldn’t find the words, so she gestured vaguely around the restaurant. 

Carmilla smiled. _Well, I’m starving._

Laura grinned. She marched up to the host, and they were led to their table. Carmilla saw the printed guides at the table, basically offering a crash course in using ASL to order food at a restaurant. The waiter walked up to the table. Carmilla saw that he was wearing a hearing aid. 

_Welcome, can I start you both off with something to drink?_

Carmilla looked at the waiter and signed, _I’ll just have water._

Laura looked down at her menu and frowned slightly, looking at the menu. She slowly signed, _chocolate milk?_

The waiter nodded, walking away. Carmilla raised an eyebrow. 

_Chocolate milk?_

_I like it,_ Laura answered defensively. Carmilla laughed. 

_That is adorable,_ Carmilla answered. Laura frowned. 

“Adorable,” Carmilla clarified when she realized Laura didn’t understand, “I said that is adorable.” 

A warm smile spread across Laura’s face. _Thank you. How have you been doing?_

They started signing toward each other. And Carmilla couldn’t believe Laura was able to sign at all, how she suddenly after months and months of trying and failing she could finally sit and have an actual _conversation._

It wasn’t perfect, by any means. In fact, at the moment it was slower than using paper and phones, because Laura had a lot to learn. There was a lot of repeating herself, or telling Laura she didn’t understand what she just said, which led to Laura looking up how to sign it on her phone because she was absolutely _determined_ to get it right. 

Talking to Ell felt like spending time in front of a fire. She was comforting, warm. Laura was like fire too, but in a different way. She crackled, jumped like flames, almost mesmerizing to watch. Ell was the fire you would find in a home’s fireplace. Laura was wildfire, unpredictable but still beautiful. 

And Laura signed forcefully--if she could hear Carmilla was sure that Laura would make a _clap_ whenever one hand hit another. It seemed strange, for Carmilla to describe someone’s signing as _loud,_ but...Laura was loud. And fun. It was just _fun_ to sign with her even when she was just guessing. 

The waiter came back, and Carmilla quickly signed her order-- _linguine with shrimp_ \--while Laura looked at the menu. 

“Um…” She mouthed the words as she signed them, “New York...steak?” 

Her nose wrinkled slightly in concentration. Carmilla held back a snort.

The waiter left again. Carmilla and Laura presumed their conversation. 

_So I know this is a bad idea,_ Laura started, _but--_

“Haven’t heard from her,” Carmilla interrupted. She then signed, _I think my mother got suspicious and threatened her._

 _Bad,_ Laura signed, looking sympathetic. 

_Thanks,_ Carmilla responded, _okay, though._

(She was keeping it simple for Laura’s sake.) 

_Good._

_Yeah. Least I got a cute Valentine’s Day date._

She winked at Laura as the food came, and Laura blushed. 

_Okay,_ Laura began, _so how am I?_

_You mean ASL?_

She nodded. 

_Remarkable improvement._

_Repeat?_

Carmilla sighed. “I said remarkable improvement. What did you do?” 

_What do you mean?_

“How did you learn so much in like, a month? You spent all year, nothing, then this.” 

Laura didn’t answer for a moment. 

“Uh, Cupcake?” 

She signed: _Classes?_

_Where?_

_Online._

Something seemed off. Carmilla frowned. _What site?_

Laura blinked. _University,_ a pause, _of...ASL._

_University of ASL?_

Laura nodded. 

“Okay…” 

The waiter came, bringing them both the food. 

_This is good!_

Laura took a bite of her steak, grinning with her cheeks full like a chipmunk. 

Carmilla decided, fine, she’d drop it, and they kept eating. Even though that answer was, pretty obviously, complete bullshit. 

When the check came, Laura signed confidently, _I’ve got this._ Carmilla laughed. 

“You’ve obviously been practicing that, haven’t you? 

_Yes._

They paid, Laura signed _goodnight!_ To the waitstaff, and they walked out. 

_Good night?_ Laura asked, looking at Carmilla.

 _Very good night,_ Carmilla answered, taking Laura’s hand. When she looked down, obviously wondering how they were going to sign to each other while one hand was occupied, Carmilla added, “Laura, listen, at the moment texting is way less cumbersome than ASL for us.” 

Laura looked discouraged. Carmilla amended her statement--she didn’t mean for Laura to take that badly. 

“No, Laura, listen. It’s not great yet, but you’re learning it, and, you know...it’s really amazing, how hard you try. Okay? So don’t take it the wrong way...plus, you know, I like holding your hand.” 

Laura looked down at the ground and then back up, smiling widely. Carmilla felt her phone vibrate. 

‘If you really want me to feel better, you could agree to another date so I get more practice :)’ 

“Wow, Laura, you haven’t even walked me to my door yet and you’re asking me out again?” 

Laura visibly paled, and Carmilla rolled her eyes affectionately. 

“Cupcake, I’ll go out with you again.” She lifted their hands, kissing the back of Laura’s. She blushed, and Carmilla decided it was her turn to lead Laura. 

***

The next time Carmilla saw Ell, she was in the library three months later. 

She was working with a tutor, signing for the student while she sat quietly at the table. As soon as Carmilla saw her, she had to walk away; she thought she’d gotten over Ell by then, but it was different seeing her. Seeing how casually she’d gone back to working. 

So Carmilla had to take a moment. But then she walked back it. Hands jammed in the pockets of her denim jacket, she marched right up to the table the student was hunched over and asked: 

“Miss Wolfe, how are you?” 

Ell looked away from the tutor, eyes widening fearfully when she saw her. Ell took a deep breath, and signed to the student and tutor: 

_Please give me a moment._

Carmilla gestured with her head, and Ell followed her. They hid between narrow shelves of books. 

_Carmilla,_ Ell signed, _how are you?_

_Good, but you wouldn’t know, would you?_

Ell didn’t respond. 

_What, are we going to pretend nothing happened? Is that what you’re trying for? Because what you did was not right Ell. It was not right and you know it._

Ell blinked. She ran a and through her hair, closing her eyes, mumbling something Carmilla couldn’t catch. She opened her eyes again. 

_Carmilla, I regret what I did. But ending things was the right thing to do, even if I could have...done it better._

_Was it my mother?_

_What?_

_I let it slip that you gave me that necklace at Christmas and she got suspicious._

Ell’s brow furrowed. _Carmilla, your mother didn’t say anything to me._

She had been telling the truth then. Mother had been telling the truth. And that made Carmilla even angrier. She gritted her teeth. 

_Then why? Why the Hell would you say that you loved me and then the next day pretend I didn’t exist? Do you understand how horrible that was? Do you have any idea what that did to me?_

_Carmilla, I did it because when you asked me again if I loved you, I realized how much I really did._

_That is some seriously messed up logic._

_No. Maybe._

She turned away from Carmilla, licking her lips, obviously agitated--so much different than the woman Carmilla met in September with calm eyes and soft, careful hands. Now her hands fidgeted constantly as she tried to think of something to say. 

_What I did to you was wrong Carmilla,_ Ell finally responded, turning back, _I took advantage of you. You were young, we spent a lot of time together because of my job, and you felt isolated because you were away from home. I am a young woman who is the only other person you talked to regularly that could sign._

Was, Carmilla thought. 

_I knew that it wasn’t right,_ Ell continued, _and I kept trying to say no, but I couldn’t go through with it. Honestly? Before you I had never done a bad thing in my life. And I got addicted to the danger, I guess? And it just felt...good, that someone so attractive and young would choose me of all people. So even though it started to feel so creepy, and so predatory, I kept telling myself that it was okay. It was why I kept trying to pretend we were fine, it was why I gave you a gift that was honestly way too expensive for three months of dating. Even when it started making me so nervous I couldn’t sleep, and I was stressed out all the time, and sometimes I was so guilty I couldn’t even eat._

“I feel so sorry for you,” Carmilla answered dryly, and Ell winced. 

_That point is, I couldn’t be a good girlfriend,_ she continued, _and when I told you I loved you, after break...I started thinking. I really loved you, Carmilla, and if I loved you I wouldn’t take advantage of you, risk your reputation, continue to be in a relationship that was unhealthy. You shouldn’t be with someone that gets so nervous with you that she feels sick. I knew if I talked to you, you’d convince me to stay. I knew I wasn’t strong enough to say no because honestly, I’m just an awful person,_ Ell shook her head quickly, _anyway I knew that for it to work I had to make a clean break._

She bit her lip. _I probably did not handle it the way I should have and I am so sorry for that. But I can’t apologize for ending things because that was the right thing to do. You have every right to yell at me though._

Carmilla shook her head. _Ell, I didn’t come here to yell at you. Well, a little. But I really wanted to thank you._

Ell’s mouth fell open, and her brow furrowed. “You...what?” She mouthed. 

_So how long did Laura wait before she talked to you?_

Ell shook her head, and Carmilla responded: 

_Don’t you dare try and deny it. Laura can barely sign anything after trying to teach herself for months, and she’s suddenly talking to me in ASL a month after we break up. And she can’t give me a straight answer to how she did it. Laura is a terrible liar. So when did she talk to you?_

Ell’s shoulders dropped. _The same day I quit,_ Ell admitted, _she called me once and hung up and then later she called me again and said if I was any sort of decent human being I would help her for you. And I felt so bad, how could I say no? She wasn’t sure how you would feel about me tutoring her and I didn’t want you to try to like, talk to me through her or something._

Carmilla nodded to herself. _What you did sucked._

She hung her head. 

_But I can’t thank you enough for helping Laura learn ASL._

Ell smiled. _Just so you know, Laura obviously cares about you a lot. She’d be much better for you than I ever was._

Carmilla grinned. _I am way ahead of you there. Also, I think I will be able to tutor her from now on...take care, Miss Wolfe._

She took one moment to look Ell over. Then she turned and walked out. Laura was waiting, arms crossed. She uncrossed them when she saw her. 

_I’m sorry,_ Laura said, and it was not the first time, _I wanted it to be a surprise when I learned, and_ _I didn’t want you to get upset which is why I didn’t tell you. Was she in there?_

 _Yeah,_ Carmilla signed back, _back corner of the library, where you said you both meet._

_I really am sorry. I mean, I felt guilty enough to let you know--_

Carmilla reached forward, grabbing Laura’s wrist, pulling her in for a kiss. 

“...I am tired of women saying I make them feel guilty,” she said, “Laura, you did it for me, and it worked. It’s fine. Honestly.” 

Laura looked pleasantly dazed. Carmilla let go and she answered, _that is awesome. Because after today we will have officially been dating longer than you dated her and I would have hated to trip at the home stretch, you know?_

Carmilla laughed. “I know. By the way,” she slung an arm around her shoulders, “I told her that you would no longer be receiving lessons.” 

Laura frowned. _But I still need some work._

“I know, but,” she leaned in close and whispered in her ear, “I think in this case, it would be a great idea to date your teacher, don’t you think?” 

Laura turned red. _We should start our first lesson as soon as possible, in fact how about right now, we should go back to our dorm room right now, that would be a great idea._

Carmilla kissed her cheek. “It would be,” she answered, “and Laura? I know I’ve said it before, but you have really won girlfriend of the year. Honestly.” 

Laura looked at Carmilla shyly. She raised her hand. _Love you._

Carmilla smiled softly. _Love you._

There was a lot more Carmilla could have said, and a lot more she _needed_ to say one day, because Laura deserved all the praise in the world, but honestly? If there was one thing she’d reminded Carmilla of, it was that actions spoke louder than words. So she kissed Laura once again, trailed her hand down to the small of Laura’s back, and started walking with her back to their dorm. 


End file.
